expression

Discernment Or Fear

If my readers are anything like me, you may tend to struggle with trusting your intuition and discerning God’s voice and just plain old fear. There are times I feel as if I know for a fact that I know what it is I know and no one can tell me differently. Other times, I battle with what is right and what is indeed fear. We all have a fear of being hurt or failing. I think it almost healthy as weird as it sounds. Fear of failing can sometimes fuel or drive us to succeed. However, fear of getting hurt can be crippling, especially if you desire a relationship, a solid one at that. Let’s explore a scenario.

Meet Devon (only because I truly adore Megan’s husband) and Evita. They have been dating for about a month and things are seemingly going well. Evita is very guarded due to her past hurt but is open to love. Devon is also guarded but open and willing to put in the effort in finding a solid relationship. They go out often and he is very attentive and consistent in his pursuit of Evita. Evita, used to dealing with men who have not been consistent, is initially turned off by his pursuit because she isn’t used to this level of consistency however, she is praying and moving forward because she recognizes her annoyance as fear and adjustment to dysfunction. As she gets to know Devon, she is seeing that he embodies the qualities she desires in a man. However, recently she is noticing more inconsistencies in Devon. She decides on falling back on him. Is her decision based on fear? Or is she discerning less than genuine behavior from Devon with his recent inconsistency?

Let’s explore another scenario

Meet Stephen and Carla. They have been in a long term relationship for 3 years. Carla wants to get married and start a family. Stephen is reluctant because of their inability to see eye to eye on so many key issues such as raising a family, cultural differences and how to manage their finances. Carla speaks to her friends about his inability to commit to her and solidify their union. Her friends tell her that Stephen is probably seeing someone else. Carla starts to pick fights with Stephen and accuses him of cheating on her. Stephen accuses Carla of not facing the issue at hand and always wanting to sweep their issues under the rug. He ensures her that he is not cheating on her and truly wants to do the work to make their relationship work and suggests counseling. Carla refuses and breaks up with him. Is her decision based from fear or is she discerning?

I am curious to hear your feedback.

Everyday we have a choice. We can either choose to live in regret and in the past or we can make a choice to do better and to be better.

There are also times where we fight God’s voice because we simply want what we want. The biggest part is knowing the difference between fear and intuition. However, the only way to do so is to pray and to take chances and live like you haven’t been hurt and never failed. Easier said than done. Even I, struggle with this almost everyday. I struggle with this in my current dating life, my relationships with my friends, family members, in my career and with my writing. But everyday, I make a choice to be and do better.

How about you?

-V.

V Went To Play

Last week, I treated myself to an extended weekend getaway to Miami. Let me tell you! It was just what the doctor ordered. I got to relax (more or less) but I got to spoil myself, surrounded by great friends, amazing food, the ocean air, sand, even more food and most importantly, time to rest my brain.

I felt it was so necessary for me to quiet my mind. I have been going a mile a minute since 2019 has began and I do not plan to stop anytime soon. I have a goal list that’s just about 8 items, but each individual item requires all of me. My undivided attention and diligence. I mean, these blogs aren’t going to write themselves! I can’t wait to be able to share my accomplishments as I meet them!

Here are some pics from my vacation and of course some of that amazing food I had!

One unconventional highlight from my trip was my trip to Publix. Yes, the supermarket! My bestie thought I was crazy! I was chatting with the baker and telling them how I happy I felt in that very moment. I should have grabbed a picture of the moment! A silly moment, but it was a genuine moment. Who knew Publix would be something I missed so much!

~~~

Another big moment thus far that has mad a big impact on the start of my year was the 40 day prayer challenge in reading Draw The Circle by Mark Batterson.

If you haven’t read this book, please check it out. I learned how to pray with a purpose in addition to praying God- size prayers. Even after the challenge has concluded, I find myself still yearning to write in my prayer journal and circling. Just the other day, I picked it back up and kept on circling. The things I circled, God answered, almost immediately. I asked questions, truly not knowing what to do, He provided an answer. That quiet time that I devoted to praying allowed me to hear Him. In that, I feel that my personal relationship with God has strengthened. I am now researching another book to start my own personal prayer challenge for the next season of 2019. Being connected and grounded spiritually is a life changer. You see the world differently and you handle the world around you differently. I find myself extremely watchful of how I treat others, the words I speak and the thoughts I have. In this, I changed my current circle of people. Those who seek the negative in everything, I needed to distance myself from. I learned that I would adapt to this behavior and that would be further than where I am headed. If your circle doesn’t progress with you then you have to shed them or change their position in your life. As your grow, people will drop off. And THAT is ok.

There are a few topics I am working on to discuss with you all, one being colorism in the black community. I have had a few debates over this topic alone and never with any resolve. I plan on doing personal research with people that are all shades of brown! And I will come back with my personal experience, my research, and conclusion. If any of you have anything to add, please reach out to me! I want to hear it all! The good, bad and ugly.

Hope all my readers have an amazing week and finish off Black History Month 2019 (which hasn’t been that great honestly – another post I’m sure) strong!

‘Till next time.

-V.

Dear Women Of Today

Dear Women of Today,

You can’t claim you are about empowering other women if at the first chance, you talk down upon one. Empowerment doesn’t work like that.

Continuous negative behavior on each other only gives the oppressor power. The power in which we seek and fight to obtain/sustain for ourselves. Equality in the workplace, governance over our bodies, etc. how can we even ask for positive behaviors from another when we don’t display it towards each other? Doesn’t it concern you too?

When did hatred among other women become so popular?

When did tearing each other down become the norm?

When did bad mouthing another woman become how we bond?

When did being a lady go out of style and replaced by lewd and over sexualized behavior? I’m not knocking it, but when did it become the norm? If one chooses not to engage, they become the odd one out. Isn’t this a cause for concern?

How do we demand so much from our men to protect and provide when we refuse to love and nurture? Now, I can go into the men, but that’s on another day because this is about accountability. Because in all honesty, it’s starts with us. How we govern ourselves.

When was the last time you challenged yourself to be kind? And speak only positive words to other women you cross paths with? If you feel you don’t have anything good to say, how about we simply shut our mouths?

I challenge all women. Are you in?

Love,

V.

The Apps

Alright y’all. I did it. Yes, I deleted all of my dating apps. I have unsubscribed, stopped payment, deleted profiles and removed them from my cellular devices. I deleted all of those ratchet dating apps. The Bumble, The Hinge, The Match. All of them. And yes, I said “The” in front of all of those horrid apps. Maybe I am being a tad bit dramatic, but I need you guys to understand that this was a big deal for me. I do not go out much and I have relied solely on dating apps on meeting people. It is time to break out of my comfort zone when it comes to dating and step outside of the box because after all, isn’t that where the magic happens? Here are a few reasons why I deleted them:

1. It was the same lame dudes on all of them. They all hit me up on each platform thinking I am a brand new person. Like really man? No, I do not have a twin.

2. It’s frustrating ‘clicking’ ( I use that term loosely) with someone and they disappear.

3. I meet someone, we seem to hit it off, then I realize, he is playing a game and or has a woman at home. I don’t know about you ladies, but I am not trying to reenact SZA’s Weekend song in real life. I ain’t no one’s weekend nothing bih.

4. I fear getting recognized by my new co-workers. The annoying IT guy at my last job hit me up on one of those less desirable apps, like The Tinder or The OKC. I don’t recall; however, it was another bad choice of joining listening to my younger friends who are more carefree and easygoing with dating. Lesson learned. The freaks hang out there. I am sanctified.

5. It felt like a full time job keeping up with all of the messages from the weirdos. Then I got concerned with hurting their feelings. This was not gonna work.

6. I wanted to focus more on myself and my goals and spirituality. Yes, I said spirituality. My chakras need to stay aligned at all times. Prayed up and Saged up in this piece/peace.

I do have some upcoming events which will allow me to be intentional in meeting guys, but it won’t be my overall goal… I’m lying y’all. I’m gonna be scooping eligible bachelors everywhere I go like a mutha. Discreetly, of course! I need to see what’s out there and compare to what I have seen on The Apps. It can’t be that bad in real life. But how will I know if I never go?

Stay tuned… more foolery will be upon us soon.

-V.

We Are Failing Us

What a week! Phew! Talk about exhausted but I am taking it all in stride because exhausted means that I have been working and that’s always a good thing. So! A couple of things I want to address one being R.Kelly and the other being dating, but the dating will have to wait!

I have gotten into a couple of debates on whether or not we should still listen to his music. I hear folks saying they can separate R.Kelly, the man, and R. Kelly, the pedophile. To me, it’s one of the same. I personally have not listened to any of his music for years once I started hearing the allegations. I am not going to start now. He is definitely a talented man and no one will ever take that away from him, but at what point as a community will we hold him accountable for abusing our girls? Is the CEO of a company who beats his wife off the clock, a genius still? Because he runs a company and makes a lot of money for his shareholders? Once he gets hit with those allegations, he will be asked to step down. The board of directors will not say, “what he does on his own time is his business.” Those allegations are bad for business period. So, why are we excusing R. Kelly? Why are we continuing to give him business and glorify him? We are failing us.

In a Facebook debate today, I had one guy even go as far as compare religion being a detriment to teens and sexual abuse. He said religion causes more psychological abuse than the abuse that R.Kelly has bestowed upon these young minority girls. Like, is this what we are doing now? Just because he made good music? Stir a new batch of Kool-Aid why don’t we. We are failing us. The argument that he was not convicted in the court of law and that there is no real evidence is sickening. Especially from Black people. My people. How many times has justice not been served when the black person was the victim? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…..

Decades later… nothing has changed. How much more evidence do you need? The marriage certificate to a 15 year old as a 27 year old man not enough? The countless testimonies from his family and team and the girls, not enough? Where there is smoke there is fire. These women are not getting paid to do this, to be subjected to criticism for the world. To be made a mockery of and told that they bought it upon themselves. But all we are concerned about is the fact, that he made good music. We are failing us. This whole situation just truly showed me where we are as a people and honestly, its just sad. But hey, he made good music.

-V.

I’m Back and In Full Effect!

Hey Hey Hey! I am back!!! I know it’s been quite some time since I have written an entry. My page was set to private and I needed to take some time and regroup. But I am back y’all!! <— noticed my southern twang?

Life has changed so much since my last entry. Texas is still good, changed jobs and got promoted, meet some really great folks here and my son left for the military. Some things, however, were not so good. Lost relationships with my two sisters due to a major misunderstanding from something I wrote on my blog that they most definitely misinterpreted. Ended a friendship/sisterhood with another woman who I grew close to and referred to as a sister around the same time, got into a car accident, health issues, ended a relationship with someone I started seeing. Work began piling up, work place drama, you name it! All in 1 year! It was a rough moment and this is simply the surface of it all. I will dive deeper as the time comes. But for now, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! I truly relate to the Phoenix rising from the ashes!

I learned so many valuable lessons in 2018 but the most important one was to be ok with how awesome and amazing I am despite who it threatens and makes uncomfortable. The right people will love all the things others were threatened by. Stand firm in who you are, stand in your truth, act with integrity and above all else, lead with love.

I almost allowed others commitment of misunderstanding me to stop me from something I held so dear. I am V. It took me some time, but I realized that I have put a lot of work into this and this has truly served as an outlet to be free and creative and no one should make me feel as if I can not be and live in my truth because it makes them uncomfortable. That was not, is not and will not be my burden to bear.

So, hello WordPress Fam! Happy New Year and I look forward to reconnecting with all of you again! There is so much more to come!

In love,

V.

I Am….V

iam

 

I leap

Through fire through storms

Burned and near drowned

I was handed this platform

Now hand me my crown

 

I jump

Past hurt past insecurities

Painful and some depressing

Looking back they couldn’t stop me

All those lessons were simply blessings

 

I run

From heartbreak from tears

Broken hearts and disappointments

Revealed strength and eased fears

Ready now for real commitment

 

I love

With passion with dedication

Liberation and admiration

Ready to release these inhibitions

And embrace my transformation

 

-V.

Fairytale Gone Wrong

***Yet another poem in my archives…hope you guys enjoy! *** -V.

Fairytale 

Rapunzel

Where is my happily ever after

My knight and shining armor?

Did chivalry get lost in the woods

Or did my fairytale dream falter

Who is going to slay the dragon to save me

The fairest of them all

My prince is busy bullshitting with the breeze

And the ogres are risking their lives just for the fall

Far from the graces of which I held my head mighty high

In the tower that seemed too risky to climb

The prince is just too afraid to try

How can I get my happily ever after

When he is in fear of dying?

What happened to the bravery?

…Stories he sold at the round table

Kings would be ashamed for this is how they got their Queens

Or so goes the fable

Pride and fear is the name of the prince’s game

Along with arrogance and pure greed

The days of chivalry are long gone

I’m just sitting in the tower waiting to be free

As I watch my prince chase the whore

It doesn’t look as if my prince is coming to get me.

(It dawned of the princess her prince is royalty no more.

Where is the happily ever after in the end of the book

As I turn page by page I realize this prince just plain old shook)

love-prince-quotes-words-Favim.com-2289134

 

Man Down

In less than 100 words.. Here is a different perspective… #writing101

IMG_0177

***

I watch you from afar

You’re spiraling out of control

I no longer recognize who you are

I no longer see the person I used to know

You are drowning in your despair

And refuse to see the light

Not allowing those close to care

Simply giving up the fight

 

He wakes up this morning and stares at the ceiling.  Wondering when things got so bad. He used to think he was on top of the world. Now he sits with the weight of the world on his shoulders. So he pulls out a lighter and begins to numb the pain…

 

-V.

Define Yourself

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. – Harvey Fierstein

 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. – Maya Angelou

Harvey Fierstein’s quote got me through a lot of rough times. I actually found this quote during my darkest days. Young, single mother, divorced. I had labels already. A family member even told me when they found out I was pregnant “Damn, your life is pretty much over.” When I got divorced and another person who was close to me said “Now that you are divorced with a kid, no man will ever want you.” Gee guys thanks. But what I did not let it do, was define me. It got me down initially and I became depressed and shameful, but I got up, dusted my shoulders off. Stuck up my middle finger to all of them and said “Oh yeah? Watch me win.” And that’s exactly what I did and still continue to do. Win. Despite of. I wrote this Harvey Fierstein quote on everything. I read it everyday and then I tackled on the world.

We live in a world where people live to define everyone else but themselves. They want to label you and place you in a box. We must not allow other people’s definition of who they think we are to define us. You are not gay, you are not black, you are not white, you are not Hispanic or what Trump calls Mexican rapists, you are not a thug, or white trash. Guess what we all are. Human. All these labels are never used in a good context. Do not let these labels define your self worth. Define Your Self!

Now on to Maya’s quote “When someone shows you who they are believe them.” This is not the same as labels or allowing someone else to define you. This is the person defining themselves and making it known. If that man you are dating says to you “I am no good for you, I don’t have it all together.” Guess what, believe him. If that woman says to you “Once your money runs out, so does my loyalty.” Yep, you guessed it, believe her. We tend to change our image of a person based on what we want from them or need to feel in ourselves. Know who you are then define yourself and watch other people’s actions to see if they fall in with your true definition of what you are about. Simple, yet such a hard lesson to learn.

-V.