…But I Made A Choice.

I am currently taking a writing101 class and required are daily writing assignments. The current assignment is creating an entry using one of these words: Hope, Regret, Home, Choice, Abundance and Secret. I slept on the writing assignment and thought on how I would birth my inspiration. How personal will I get? Will I keep it light and fluffy? Then I thought, no. It has to be personal. That is the basis of what I am V is about, to be transparent. So my chosen word for my one word inspiration piece is CHOICE.

Why CHOICE? Because I am choosing to be open.

Life hasn’t been the easiest for me. I come from a broken home, but with amazing parents. However, I have always felt lost growing up. What do I want? Where am I going? Who am I? One thing that allowed me to escape was reading and writing. Going as far back as middle school, my friends and I used to pass around a notebook where we all would write a chapter in a book we were creating. That was the highlight of middle school for me. The book. But like everything, that fell off. Disconnected with friends, moved to a different school, now on to different adventures. It was in high school that I discovered my love for poetry. When I was sad and hurt, the best way I could express myself was through writing poems. I felt free doing so. I even recall wanting to become an English teacher. I was the odd one in my class who loved Shakespeare and writing research papers. The good old days. How I ended up in healthcare shows that I completed deviated from my true passion. While I love taking care of people and making a difference in other people lives in terms of their health, my passion wasn’t there. But I made a choice.

I got pregnant at 20, while a junior at Florida A&M U. I was devastated and confused. But I made a choice. I had a child. I figured at that point, life would make more sense and I would have a purpose. Honestly, like most moms out there. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, I had no clue on how to do it or where I should begin. But I did it. I winged it. I have a great son who is now in high school, trying to figure it out also. But knowing he doesn’t have a relationship with his father because my ex husband also had a choice, hurts. I hate seeing my son hurt over a choice I made. At times I still do blame myself for his pain because of his father. He chose not to be a good father. He chooses himself over anything. And, that is NOT my fault. We all have choices.

So, I chose to be the best person I can be for my son, realizing it was going to be him and me. I went to school and became an RT. I worked 2 jobs a majority of my 20’s. I went back to school to get my bachelor degree, then my masters. Just to be an example to my son of what hard work and dedication is. I want him to one up me. I want him to succeed. I pretty much engulfed my life to be mother. Now, he is off to college in two years and things are slowing down. I thought to myself, what am I doing? Where am I going? What do I want? Sounds familiar right? I have been down this road before, but now I am not going to go on with the regular planned programming. I am now choosing to do something different. I am choosing to follow my passion and choosing to perfect my love. I choose to write. I choose to follow my first love.

I am not the best writer. I have a lot of work to do. But that is ok. It is my choice. I am excited about it. And my hope is to inspire others who have had a less than easy life as well, to follow your passion and keep on trucking. If I do nothing else, I want to help someone do just that.

-V.

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20 thoughts on “…But I Made A Choice.

  1. It’s always helpful and calming to other people when they can read about the life experiences of others. You never know who may be going through the saw things you have. Kudos to you for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Another beautiful and thoughtful piece! You chose a very good word because life is definitely full of choices. Some choices are ours to be made while other choices are made for us. Keep up the good work and I can’t wait to read what you choose to post next!

    Liked by 1 person

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