spirituality

V Went To Play

Last week, I treated myself to an extended weekend getaway to Miami. Let me tell you! It was just what the doctor ordered. I got to relax (more or less) but I got to spoil myself, surrounded by great friends, amazing food, the ocean air, sand, even more food and most importantly, time to rest my brain.

I felt it was so necessary for me to quiet my mind. I have been going a mile a minute since 2019 has began and I do not plan to stop anytime soon. I have a goal list that’s just about 8 items, but each individual item requires all of me. My undivided attention and diligence. I mean, these blogs aren’t going to write themselves! I can’t wait to be able to share my accomplishments as I meet them!

Here are some pics from my vacation and of course some of that amazing food I had!

One unconventional highlight from my trip was my trip to Publix. Yes, the supermarket! My bestie thought I was crazy! I was chatting with the baker and telling them how I happy I felt in that very moment. I should have grabbed a picture of the moment! A silly moment, but it was a genuine moment. Who knew Publix would be something I missed so much!

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Another big moment thus far that has mad a big impact on the start of my year was the 40 day prayer challenge in reading Draw The Circle by Mark Batterson.

If you haven’t read this book, please check it out. I learned how to pray with a purpose in addition to praying God- size prayers. Even after the challenge has concluded, I find myself still yearning to write in my prayer journal and circling. Just the other day, I picked it back up and kept on circling. The things I circled, God answered, almost immediately. I asked questions, truly not knowing what to do, He provided an answer. That quiet time that I devoted to praying allowed me to hear Him. In that, I feel that my personal relationship with God has strengthened. I am now researching another book to start my own personal prayer challenge for the next season of 2019. Being connected and grounded spiritually is a life changer. You see the world differently and you handle the world around you differently. I find myself extremely watchful of how I treat others, the words I speak and the thoughts I have. In this, I changed my current circle of people. Those who seek the negative in everything, I needed to distance myself from. I learned that I would adapt to this behavior and that would be further than where I am headed. If your circle doesn’t progress with you then you have to shed them or change their position in your life. As your grow, people will drop off. And THAT is ok.

There are a few topics I am working on to discuss with you all, one being colorism in the black community. I have had a few debates over this topic alone and never with any resolve. I plan on doing personal research with people that are all shades of brown! And I will come back with my personal experience, my research, and conclusion. If any of you have anything to add, please reach out to me! I want to hear it all! The good, bad and ugly.

Hope all my readers have an amazing week and finish off Black History Month 2019 (which hasn’t been that great honestly – another post I’m sure) strong!

‘Till next time.

-V.

The Apps

Alright y’all. I did it. Yes, I deleted all of my dating apps. I have unsubscribed, stopped payment, deleted profiles and removed them from my cellular devices. I deleted all of those ratchet dating apps. The Bumble, The Hinge, The Match. All of them. And yes, I said “The” in front of all of those horrid apps. Maybe I am being a tad bit dramatic, but I need you guys to understand that this was a big deal for me. I do not go out much and I have relied solely on dating apps on meeting people. It is time to break out of my comfort zone when it comes to dating and step outside of the box because after all, isn’t that where the magic happens? Here are a few reasons why I deleted them:

1. It was the same lame dudes on all of them. They all hit me up on each platform thinking I am a brand new person. Like really man? No, I do not have a twin.

2. It’s frustrating ‘clicking’ ( I use that term loosely) with someone and they disappear.

3. I meet someone, we seem to hit it off, then I realize, he is playing a game and or has a woman at home. I don’t know about you ladies, but I am not trying to reenact SZA’s Weekend song in real life. I ain’t no one’s weekend nothing bih.

4. I fear getting recognized by my new co-workers. The annoying IT guy at my last job hit me up on one of those less desirable apps, like The Tinder or The OKC. I don’t recall; however, it was another bad choice of joining listening to my younger friends who are more carefree and easygoing with dating. Lesson learned. The freaks hang out there. I am sanctified.

5. It felt like a full time job keeping up with all of the messages from the weirdos. Then I got concerned with hurting their feelings. This was not gonna work.

6. I wanted to focus more on myself and my goals and spirituality. Yes, I said spirituality. My chakras need to stay aligned at all times. Prayed up and Saged up in this piece/peace.

I do have some upcoming events which will allow me to be intentional in meeting guys, but it won’t be my overall goal… I’m lying y’all. I’m gonna be scooping eligible bachelors everywhere I go like a mutha. Discreetly, of course! I need to see what’s out there and compare to what I have seen on The Apps. It can’t be that bad in real life. But how will I know if I never go?

Stay tuned… more foolery will be upon us soon.

-V.

Storms

rain gif

 

On this Sunday cloudy morning

I sit on a bench in the park and listen

There is no sun to illuminate 

There is warm and humid air

Damp concrete ground 

And wet soggy grass

I hear the running water of a man-made river

Reminding nature of the storms that just past

What was tragic hours ago

Results in a beautiful moment of which 

Life can grow 

I sit on this bench witnessing God at His finest

And yet tears fall down my face

Sadness and grief overcomes me

I am alone in the midst of people

Who don’t see me

I am in love with someone

Who doesn’t understand me

Battling depression on the brink of breakdowns and camouflaging it with smiles and laughter reassuring people “I am okay”

I anxiously search for a resolution

Trying to peice my soul back together 

Discreetly so those who love me, those afar, won’t worry about my fragile mind

I am in the eye of my storm 

Desperately seeking shelter

But knowing I must face these waves alone

I sit on this bench with my eyes close hoping God appears and waves his hand to instantly relieve me of my grief 

But when I open them, I’m back to where I started.

Nothing’s change

The tears are still there

The tears are still flowing, like the man-made river I sit in front of

I walk back to my car to face the day masking my tears with laughter and smiles

Battling my storms in silence.

-V.
8/13/17

Up at Night…

The last few nights, I have had trouble sleeping. One reason is that I am in physical pain! I have been working out again and trying to get back in to shape, but that is good pain. But another reason that I haven’t been sleeping well lately is because my prayers are keeping me up at night. Every night, for the past week, I have been praying for all those who are near and dear to my heart. My list is not usually this long, but I have been compelled to keep certain people close in thoughts.

Some of these people that I am praying for I barely speak to due to a conflict or whatever reason may be, but every time I think to not be bothered with them and their issues, I hear a quiet whisper telling me to pray for them. They need not know that I do or why, they just need to have someone’s silent support. So, I lay awake at night and say a prayer unbeknownst to them and afterwards begin to recap all of their troubles. In my mind and heart, I wonder if I feel I can fix all of their woes…I wish I could.

I light a candle, Eucalyptus Mint from Bath and Body Works to be exact. I sit on the edge of my bed and I close my eyes, and then I begin. I pray for my son. I pray you heal his pain from his absent father and lack of a constant male figure in his life. I pray that he doesn’t allow his shortcoming to deter his growth as a man. I pray for my mother and father that although they are not together, they find true happiness with the one that you destined for them. I pray for my best friend, she is far, and going through so much, but I want you to continue to allow me to be a vessel for her and speak life into her whenever you see fit. I pray that she comes back soon (ok maybe a wish). I pray for my siblings and their conquest to find meaning in life. I hope they find and seek you and realize the answers are already there. I pray for my friend who is having marital trouble. I want them to realize that you make no mistakes and the vow they took before you is scared and they continue to work on each other and their union and not give up and again most importantly seek you and place you in their marriage as opposed to their egos. I pray for the last man I recently dated. He hurt me yes, however, his pain is far greater than mine. I pray for his peace. I pray for his healing in his personal difficult time, even though we don’t speak much, I pray for his happiness. I pray for my old boss, I pray for her heart to soften and for whatever reasons she is so wicked she heals from it and finds compassion and happiness. I pray for my future husband. I pray he is well and near by… (the list continues…)

I continue my prayers for almost everyone I come close to at some point or another in life. I have been doing this nightly. And the hardest part is that I almost always forget to pray for myself. This could be the very reason why I am never truly rested lately. Tonight, I am doing things a bit differently, I am going to start with me and end with me. The hard part is that I feel as if I am being selfish when I think like this, but I think it’s needed, for a change.

-V.