Reflections For The Come Up

Hello Guys!! Long time no blog!

We have one more month of 2017 and I will say that I have learned so many life lessons. Some lessons are new, and some I got a refresher course in. Last year with my move to Dallas, things were great! I embarked on a new journey. I loved my job. Everything was amazing. This year started off just as amazing. I fell in love, I felt secure with my position in life and I thought, I just have to maintain and coast upwards. Easy breezy!

Lies.

Major lies.

Then came the summer. The second half of this ratchet year. It was one thing after another. Losing ties with people. Letting people with toxic issues go. Some good and some bad. Health issues, my job went through SEVERE layoffs. I was spared, but the result is stressful nonetheless. But I am staying a float. And lastly, as a mother, I am coping with my son’s mental illness. Teenageism. People get your kids vaccinated. ASAP.

eye roll

I want to share with you all some of my lessons that I learned in 2017. Being around new people and experiencing new things came with new lessons. So, here we go!

  1. Say less, observe more.
  2. You will not fit in everywhere. Non-acceptance is a blessing in disguise. Not everyone can handle you in all your humble glory. Envy and jealousy is real!
  3. Your coworkers are NOT your friends. Refer back to #1
  4. Allow your significant other to just be himself or herself.
  5. Communication is key. (oldie but goodie)
  6. It is perfectly ok to say no and walk away from what doesn’t serve your purpose.
  7. The way you think will dictate where you will go in life
  8. Sometimes the bad times are necessary and linger because the lesson God is trying to teach you, you have yet to grasp. I get this now. My turn around is here
  9. NETWORK!!
  10. Value the friends that you have. Near or far.

We are in November, the best month of the year! My birthday month! I plan to start my Christmas decorating THIS WEEK. And I don’t care about the rules! Make the rest of this month and December a positive one. Think positively. Breathe positivity. Live positive. Remember, if you are going through hard times, look for the good. Look for the lessons and that’s how you will find your come up.

riri crown

 

‘Till Next Time!

-V.

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Storms

rain gif

 

On this Sunday cloudy morning

I sit on a bench in the park and listen

There is no sun to illuminate 

There is warm and humid air

Damp concrete ground 

And wet soggy grass

I hear the running water of a man-made river

Reminding nature of the storms that just past

What was tragic hours ago

Results in a beautiful moment of which 

Life can grow 

I sit on this bench witnessing God at His finest

And yet tears fall down my face

Sadness and grief overcomes me

I am alone in the midst of people

Who don’t see me

I am in love with someone

Who doesn’t understand me

Battling depression on the brink of breakdowns and camouflaging it with smiles and laughter reassuring people “I am okay”

I anxiously search for a resolution

Trying to peice my soul back together 

Discreetly so those who love me, those afar, won’t worry about my fragile mind

I am in the eye of my storm 

Desperately seeking shelter

But knowing I must face these waves alone

I sit on this bench with my eyes close hoping God appears and waves his hand to instantly relieve me of my grief 

But when I open them, I’m back to where I started.

Nothing’s change

The tears are still there

The tears are still flowing, like the man-made river I sit in front of

I walk back to my car to face the day masking my tears with laughter and smiles

Battling my storms in silence.

-V.
8/13/17

So, About That Friday Night Turn-Up…

cant find a guy i like

Well, well, well,  tonight, I finally decided on going on a date with someone I met online. I haven’t spoken to this guy yet on the phone and I haven’t truly conversed with him online yet either. But, still agreed to meet up at a local coffee shop. I got there early of course and sat in my car chit chatting with one of my besties. As I am talking to her, I get an unsettling feeling come over me. I don’t want to meet this guy. Do I have a reason? No. I just have no desire to meet him. At all. I think he is fairly attractive. He seems ok, I guess, but not enough to meet him. As I am talking to my friend, I found myself justifying why I wanted to meet him. I would say, “Why not, its Friday night and I am tired of sitting at home” or when she asked, what is this guy about? I responded, “ Umm, I don’t really know. I had to review our chat history on the app to see what his name was. I didn’t truly have enough interest to find out more. Hell, I don’t even know what he does for a living.” Sigh. She just said, “ Ok Girl.” and laughed. I am sitting in this Starbucks parking lot comfortable in my AC and thinking, I don’t want to be here. I have no interest in meeting this guy. Of course I am going through a wave of emotions after I hang up with her. I see that it s 612p, and we are due to meet at 630p. I decided right then and there, nope, I don’t want to be here. I logged on to my app and typed up “ I am going to have to cancel. Got a project at work that I thought I would be done with, will have to reschedule. My apologies” I hit send and drove off. I felt free. He quickly responds, “That’s too bad, I was almost there.” I didn’t even reply to that.

rhonjjacexcuseherself

What is it about this guy that had me ditch the date? I don’t know, but I do know that I decided to go a local sports bar that a coworker told me about. I figured I could watch the NBA finals there and have a meal. I drove to this sports place and I again, sat in my car and saw all these men go into the bar and the line was starting form outside the door. I thought to myself, oh no I am not feeling this either. I sat in the parking lot for 5 minutes before driving off and heading home.

i adore my own company

I came home and felt so relaxed. Made dinner had wine and jammed out to music. Peace, I felt peace. I finally just sat down and thought, I could have gone out, had fun and mingled and yet I rather be in my own company. 3 weeks here and no real outing, I think that’s ok, right? Oh well, I am having a great time being alone. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find something to do to mingle with society! However, I still find the evening to be very successful!

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Happy Friday Y’all!

 

-V.

I Am….V

iam

 

I leap

Through fire through storms

Burned and near drowned

I was handed this platform

Now hand me my crown

 

I jump

Past hurt past insecurities

Painful and some depressing

Looking back they couldn’t stop me

All those lessons were simply blessings

 

I run

From heartbreak from tears

Broken hearts and disappointments

Revealed strength and eased fears

Ready now for real commitment

 

I love

With passion with dedication

Liberation and admiration

Ready to release these inhibitions

And embrace my transformation

 

-V.

Fairytale Gone Wrong

***Yet another poem in my archives…hope you guys enjoy! *** -V.

Fairytale 

Rapunzel

Where is my happily ever after

My knight and shining armor?

Did chivalry get lost in the woods

Or did my fairytale dream falter

Who is going to slay the dragon to save me

The fairest of them all

My prince is busy bullshitting with the breeze

And the ogres are risking their lives just for the fall

Far from the graces of which I held my head mighty high

In the tower that seemed too risky to climb

The prince is just too afraid to try

How can I get my happily ever after

When he is in fear of dying?

What happened to the bravery?

…Stories he sold at the round table

Kings would be ashamed for this is how they got their Queens

Or so goes the fable

Pride and fear is the name of the prince’s game

Along with arrogance and pure greed

The days of chivalry are long gone

I’m just sitting in the tower waiting to be free

As I watch my prince chase the whore

It doesn’t look as if my prince is coming to get me.

(It dawned of the princess her prince is royalty no more.

Where is the happily ever after in the end of the book

As I turn page by page I realize this prince just plain old shook)

love-prince-quotes-words-Favim.com-2289134

 

Man Down

In less than 100 words.. Here is a different perspective… #writing101

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***

I watch you from afar

You’re spiraling out of control

I no longer recognize who you are

I no longer see the person I used to know

You are drowning in your despair

And refuse to see the light

Not allowing those close to care

Simply giving up the fight

 

He wakes up this morning and stares at the ceiling.  Wondering when things got so bad. He used to think he was on top of the world. Now he sits with the weight of the world on his shoulders. So he pulls out a lighter and begins to numb the pain

 

-V.

Define Yourself

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. – Harvey Fierstein

 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. – Maya Angelou

Harvey Fierstein’s quote got me through a lot of rough times. I actually found this quote during my darkest days. Young, single mother, divorced. I had labels already. A family member even told me when they found out I was pregnant “Damn, your life is pretty much over.” When I got divorced and another person who was close to me said “Now that you are divorced with a kid, no man will ever want you.” Gee guys thanks. But what I did not let it do, was define me. It got me down initially and I became depressed and shameful, but I got up, dusted my shoulders off. Stuck up my middle finger to all of them and said “Oh yeah? Watch me win.” And that’s exactly what I did and still continue to do. Win. Despite of. I wrote this Harvey Fierstein quote on everything. I read it everyday and then I tackled on the world.

We live in a world where people live to define everyone else but themselves. They want to label you and place you in a box. We must not allow other people’s definition of who they think we are to define us. You are not gay, you are not black, you are not white, you are not Hispanic or what Trump calls Mexican rapists, you are not a thug, or white trash. Guess what we all are. Human. All these labels are never used in a good context. Do not let these labels define your self worth. Define Your Self!

Now on to Maya’s quote “When someone shows you who they are believe them.” This is not the same as labels or allowing someone else to define you. This is the person defining themselves and making it known. If that man you are dating says to you “I am no good for you, I don’t have it all together.” Guess what, believe him. If that woman says to you “Once your money runs out, so does my loyalty.” Yep, you guessed it, believe her. We tend to change our image of a person based on what we want from them or need to feel in ourselves. Know who you are then define yourself and watch other people’s actions to see if they fall in with your true definition of what you are about. Simple, yet such a hard lesson to learn.

-V.