Reflections For The Come Up

Hello Guys!! Long time no blog!

We have one more month of 2017 and I will say that I have learned so many life lessons. Some lessons are new, and some I got a refresher course in. Last year with my move to Dallas, things were great! I embarked on a new journey. I loved my job. Everything was amazing. This year started off just as amazing. I fell in love, I felt secure with my position in life and I thought, I just have to maintain and coast upwards. Easy breezy!

Lies.

Major lies.

Then came the summer. The second half of this ratchet year. It was one thing after another. Losing ties with people. Letting people with toxic issues go. Some good and some bad. Health issues, my job went through SEVERE layoffs. I was spared, but the result is stressful nonetheless. But I am staying a float. And lastly, as a mother, I am coping with my son’s mental illness. Teenageism. People get your kids vaccinated. ASAP.

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I want to share with you all some of my lessons that I learned in 2017. Being around new people and experiencing new things came with new lessons. So, here we go!

  1. Say less, observe more.
  2. You will not fit in everywhere. Non-acceptance is a blessing in disguise. Not everyone can handle you in all your humble glory. Envy and jealousy is real!
  3. Your coworkers are NOT your friends. Refer back to #1
  4. Allow your significant other to just be himself or herself.
  5. Communication is key. (oldie but goodie)
  6. It is perfectly ok to say no and walk away from what doesn’t serve your purpose.
  7. The way you think will dictate where you will go in life
  8. Sometimes the bad times are necessary and linger because the lesson God is trying to teach you, you have yet to grasp. I get this now. My turn around is here
  9. NETWORK!!
  10. Value the friends that you have. Near or far.

We are in November, the best month of the year! My birthday month! I plan to start my Christmas decorating THIS WEEK. And I don’t care about the rules! Make the rest of this month and December a positive one. Think positively. Breathe positivity. Live positive. Remember, if you are going through hard times, look for the good. Look for the lessons and that’s how you will find your come up.

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‘Till Next Time!

-V.

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From Mash Up To Gray

Summer 2017 has not been what I planned it to be. It hasn’t been all bad, but it was not the summer mash up I was hoping for. My second summer in this city, I have moved, car accident, family drama, construction in my new apartment, job is currently going through layoffs, and then some. I now exist in a space of ‘WTF’ and ‘how the hell’.  When will it get back to normal? For the sake of this entry, I affectionately will refer to my supposed ‘All Summer 17 Mash Up’ to ‘Gray Matter. With all that said, it was not all bad. I was able to take a step back from people- mainly family or family-ish type folks and re-evaluate their position(s) in my life. I guess, the closer I get to 40, that’s when the IDGAF attitude really kicks in, because my tolerance of things have been at an all time low.

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As I am typing this is, I am battling, how much I will divulge in what I have been going through, and I will give some and I will hold some. I lost 3 people whom I thought were going to be in my life forever. 2 of them are blood related. 1 is/was not. I will say that sometimes, someone can do something to you or your loved one that will never be able to come back from. And in a true Scorpio, sense, they are now dead to me. Harsh, I know. But some times, bridges are meant to burn.

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The other 2 was hard for me. Because I realized, that what they meant to me, I will never be for them, but they are to each other. I felt like the odd one out. I had to be honest with myself and let things go. I care for them. I love them. But I just can’t watch and allow them to ‘handle’ me to their benefit. I admire my father’s attempt to make the unconventional the new normal; however, that norm is not what we are, and I accept it. I made peace with it and I am moving on. Because the reality is… I will never the sister that they are to each other. Life isn’t fair right?

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Moving on…

Ok, I am tired of writing about this, but I AINT GOT NO REAL FRIENDS IN THIS RATCHET CITY. Yeah, I said it! I have new people I am cool with that I am getting to know as friends, one I never met – coworker (different city) – hard to explain. The other two I work with in my current city and they are great, but it’s hard to establish real trusting friendships with people who already have their circle in tact. I mean who wants to bring in the new girl? I do understand, that not everyone is like me in that sense. No fault to my coworkers, but I get it. Making friends, or forming your own little circle of trust is super hard in your 30’s. Especially, after seeing how shady a lot of people are here. Plus, of course, life in general.

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But on the positive side, I do have an amazing boyfriend, who truly tries his best to integrate me with his ‘circle of trust’ and I really like them, but I am the new girl. Heck, I don’t trust so easily myself; I watch how people move first. Again, I get it. It’s just tiring. In Florida and NYC, I was fortunate enough to form some great bonds with people rather quickly. This indeed is a first. But, It’s ok I will deal. – I’m lying. It is NOT okay and I want my own friends! ARRRGGGHHH!

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Ok…Moving on.

We are all entering the final quarter of the year. Just like that 2017 will be over. I am not sure how many of you out there made a list of things you wanted to accomplish and for those of who finished it. I don’t care. 🙂  and for the others who are like me with the same to do list for 2017 still full, we still have 4 more months to make our deadlines. I will be slowing down on my social media usage, and pay more attention to my self appointed tasks. I can do this. I think. Most of it. At least half?

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Ok, now I am not sure how many of my followers watch Insecure, but Sunday’s night episode had me all in my feelings. I was jumping out of my bed, because I, too, have dated a Fu&$ Boy who thought he was a ‘good’ dude, in a very similar situation. Some of my friends thought I was doing the most, said I cut folks off to fast and to be patient ( yada yada yada) but who has patience for those type of dudes? Not I. No sir. And hearing Tasha read Lawrence gave me all types of life. I yelled “See! I feel you girl! Know your worth!”

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I am no longer in that space, but I can appreciate the scene. I have been there and I just love good TV.

I took up enough of you guys time! Good Night! Enjoy the rest of this Summer!

‘Till the 4th quarter!

 

-V.

On This Week’s Episode of Keeping Up With V…

Work:

I can’t say this enough. Women we have to stop tearing each other down. Period. We must hold each other accountable and speak positivity into each other. How will we evolve as people? This seems to be a environment where accountability is shamed and judged. Where morality is spoken of but not proactive and integrity is..what is that again?

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I guess I’ll simply be the sell out or too “corporate” because I hold myself to a higher regard. But guess what ladies? I won’t kick you while you are down, I’ll just slide back in my spot and keep it pushing. When you finally get a hold of yourself, I’ll be here but probably on to bigger and better things. Ya know, like evolving?

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Relationships:

I can’t say this enough. I always choose peace over poison. Peace over drama. Being in relationship, I value this more and more. Witnessing another couple do the complete opposite, makes me value what I have that much more. I always knew he was great. But “our” greatness just elevated. Finding a partner that compliments who you are is a must. Being uplifted, held accountable, having someone support your goals and dreams. Priceless.

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Therefore, I pick and choose my battles with him. I value what we have so much more than simply being right. If I’m always right (which I usually am lol) how will I grow? How will “we” grow? I have no pride when it comes to us. 

Friends:

I have none here in my new area, a few acquaintances, yes.  All of my friends are back home. I hold those I call friends to a higher regard. I have a great man, yes. But to say, I have a good female friend that I can talk to and do things women do- brunch and mimosas duh!- is proving to be difficult. Making friends as an adult is hard in itself but just seeing how those around me move is truly displeasing. I will never be able to replace my best friend- I mean ever! And my friends which we call our crew the circle of greatness. How can that be topped? 

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But it would be nice to find women here of like minds who value peace, have integrity and drama free! Sounds like an ad for friendship. I digress…

Parenting:

My son is going to college in a year and I’m about to not be able to deal. I’m sure I’m not the only parent who feels like their child is still a child and isn’t ready to go out into this cruel, cruel world. The countdown to letting go is about to begin. First they drive you insane with their teenage moody antics, then they have the nerve to want to leave you. But I guess my son never leaving is scary in itself. The mere thought of him yelling “Ma! the meatloaf” from some basement may have me pushing him out the door myself. 

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My son is somewhat of a late bloomer. Girls have started becoming an issue. Out of all the girls he can like, why like the worse one? Is it to spite his poor ole mother? Let me tell it, I will play this card for life with him! I think if he simply let me choose his girlfriends, we both would be happy. …

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… Ok maybe just me. I began to wonder, did I do this to my mom when I brought my first boy home? Yep I sure did. My mom was about to die. I now understand the sentiment…And to think, I just found out about the girl. I haven’t even met her. MomZilla I am. Pray for me guys.

This is it for this week’s edition of Keeping Up With V. ‘Till next time…

-V.

Sisterhood Awry

Black women in the workplace. Why must we be against each other instead of with each other? Why do we feel threatened by other successful women? Why do we make excuses for our shortcomings and blame others whom we are threatened by?

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Why do we size each other up because we feel the few men who are near look at one of us and not the other? Why do we lack professionalism and seek validation from those who do nothing but bring us down? Why Black women? Am I the only woman that sees another Black woman doing great, I instantly feel proud, as if I also made it? Am I not my sister’s keeper? What happened to sisterhood? What happened to accountability?

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I will say that my circle of friends that are women encourage each other, we sing each other’s praises. Since moving, I have been blessed beyond words. But one of the few things I have noticed here is that a lot of women are simply out for themselves, and they do not understand the concept of a true sisterhood. It’s more about what you can do for them. How they can use you. But every time that gets me down, I think… ‘look how I am blessed.’ It’s simply a reality check on the times. But at the end of the day, I will continue to shine, I will continue to encourage and uplift, I am going to continue to pray for better times. I will…

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( I know I have been gone from the blogging community for a while, but I am back! Bare with me, I will be posting old poetry and more thoughts on my journey. So much to share, so many new experiences, new love, new position at work, new and improved outlook on life, more headaches, more heart smiles. I’m out here living and I am ready to share more of me with you all)

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-V.

What’s In Your Cup?

“Who is filling your cup?” Someone asked me this very question recently. I paused when I heard this, because honestly I did not know the answer to that particular question. But it made me think. And that was the intention of this person. Force me to think. To think about my patterns, what I attract, and what energy I give off. “Who is filling your cup?” was a loaded question that needed to be asked.

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Now I will say that I have been blessed tremendously in the past few months and everything I asked for I received and more! But yet, I sat and found myself feeling…. empty. You may say, but your cup should have been running over! And it was, but I did what I do best, I poured into other people’s cup. And that’s not a bad thing, but the issue that occurred in doing that, is I poured into cups that I had to supply. I had to supply the cup and then pour into it. Why was I attracting this type of person? Instead of placing the blame on them, I looked inwards. Why did they feel comfortable enough to ask me to give? Why did I feel bad for asking for the same in return from these very same people? Why do I find potential mates in men who were ‘dames’ in distress and why do I feel apt to want to help out of the goodness of my heart? The foolishness of my heart. With all that said. I had to stop. Pause. This is a pattern. It almost happened again today!

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I caught myself and I stopped and I said to myself, “My cup is not just a cup, it’s fine china. I will not use it everyday for any old guest, you have to special.” To some, this may seem cold, and I do not intend to come off standoffish, but if I don’t protect me, who will? I looked back at the last few men that I have dated and it was the same pattern. I poured into their cups and when I needed my cup filled, they never had enough to give.  I will let that be. Thats a whole other blog post! LOL

With that being said, I am so grateful to my friend who listened to me and poured knowledge onto me. I truly appreciate those who can make me think and force me to look within. She truly poured into my cup and today, my cup runneth over.

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-V.

I. F. W.

As a woman, I know I struggle with deciphering between 3 things.

Intuition

Fear

Wisdom

Intuition is something we, as women, are born with. It’s innate. We have that feeling when things with your significant other is not right, when your child is in danger or simply needs your help, or when a career move is just not right. There are times we can’t even justify our feelings, we just know.

Then we have fear. Fear throws all of what we think we know into confusion and at times chaos. Fear doesn’t allow you to truly tap into your intuition. It just makes it scared to trust it.

Finally there is good old wisdom. That’s your experience. There is nothing like wisdom to lead you to where you need to be based on where you came from. Wisdom is golden. Wisdom is priceless.

My issue. Not being able to navigate between all three. Is what I’m feeling my women’s intuition? Is it fear of the unknown? Or have I seen this before? It feels familiar. How many women struggle with this? I consider myself to be a smart woman, and yet there are times I get in my own way and there were other times where I’ve saved myself from heartbreak, bad career choices and so much more.  

The struggle is real.


-V.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

I know it’s been a while since I last blogged, but lately I have been inclined to share a lesson that I had to relearn recently. Whatever you allow to consume your thoughts will soon manifest into reality. Therefore, watch your thoughts for they will become your words. Mind your words for they will become your actions and your actions will be your habits. I know this! At least I thought I did.

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I preached it day in and day out to my friends, but here I was, not even following my own advice. Not following what I read and studied in books. I am here now holding myself accountable and sharing my experience. Recently, a situation came up where I allowed a negative thought to manifest. I began to act in them (only for a short while- which was still too long) I pushed my negative thoughts and insecurity onto someone that has grown close to me. Why? Stupid fear (that jerk again). It took their positive nature to kindly check me, which forced me to pause and say to myself, “Whoa! Who am I becoming?” I then thought, this isn’t a new behavior. I have been doing this for quite some time and always justified it. Not this time. I am thankful that someone was able to be honest and up front with me and communicate it and God allowed me to listen and keep my rebuttals short. Two ears, one mouth. It was time for me to check myself.

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So, I prayed. I read. I prayed some more. I reflected on my behavior. It clicked. I allowed my past hurt to push into current life. In every aspect of my life I needed to redirect my thoughts, words and actions to reflect of what I was feeling. Positive. In order to evolve in light I was destined to shine under, I had to evolve the way I did things, the way I thought and the words I spoke. Again, I prayed. I read some more. I sat in silence and I righted my wrongs. I am still a work in progress, but I realized nothing is the same. Everything is different, so why approach it all in the same way? And I must tell you… I feel so much better!

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-New & Improved V