On This Week’s Episode of Keeping Up With V…

Work:

I can’t say this enough. Women we have to stop tearing each other down. Period. We must hold each other accountable and speak positivity into each other. How will we evolve as people? This seems to be a environment where accountability is shamed and judged. Where morality is spoken of but not proactive and integrity is..what is that again?

shade gif

I guess I’ll simply be the sell out or too “corporate” because I hold myself to a higher regard. But guess what ladies? I won’t kick you while you are down, I’ll just slide back in my spot and keep it pushing. When you finally get a hold of yourself, I’ll be here but probably on to bigger and better things. Ya know, like evolving?

she wins tamar gif

Relationships:

I can’t say this enough. I always choose peace over poison. Peace over drama. Being in relationship, I value this more and more. Witnessing another couple do the complete opposite, makes me value what I have that much more. I always knew he was great. But “our” greatness just elevated. Finding a partner that compliments who you are is a must. Being uplifted, held accountable, having someone support your goals and dreams. Priceless.

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Therefore, I pick and choose my battles with him. I value what we have so much more than simply being right. If I’m always right (which I usually am lol) how will I grow? How will “we” grow? I have no pride when it comes to us. 

Friends:

I have none here in my new area, a few acquaintances, yes.  All of my friends are back home. I hold those I call friends to a higher regard. I have a great man, yes. But to say, I have a good female friend that I can talk to and do things women do- brunch and mimosas duh!- is proving to be difficult. Making friends as an adult is hard in itself but just seeing how those around me move is truly displeasing. I will never be able to replace my best friend- I mean ever! And my friends which we call our crew the circle of greatness. How can that be topped? 

wayan bros gif

But it would be nice to find women here of like minds who value peace, have integrity and drama free! Sounds like an ad for friendship. I digress…

Parenting:

My son is going to college in a year and I’m about to not be able to deal. I’m sure I’m not the only parent who feels like their child is still a child and isn’t ready to go out into this cruel, cruel world. The countdown to letting go is about to begin. First they drive you insane with their teenage moody antics, then they have the nerve to want to leave you. But I guess my son never leaving is scary in itself. The mere thought of him yelling “Ma! the meatloaf” from some basement may have me pushing him out the door myself. 

empty nest quote

My son is somewhat of a late bloomer. Girls have started becoming an issue. Out of all the girls he can like, why like the worse one? Is it to spite his poor ole mother? Let me tell it, I will play this card for life with him! I think if he simply let me choose his girlfriends, we both would be happy. …

kanye blank stare

… Ok maybe just me. I began to wonder, did I do this to my mom when I brought my first boy home? Yep I sure did. My mom was about to die. I now understand the sentiment…And to think, I just found out about the girl. I haven’t even met her. MomZilla I am. Pray for me guys.

This is it for this week’s edition of Keeping Up With V. ‘Till next time…

-V.

Sisterhood Awry

Black women in the workplace. Why must we be against each other instead of with each other? Why do we feel threatened by other successful women? Why do we make excuses for our shortcomings and blame others whom we are threatened by?

poetic justice wtf

Why do we size each other up because we feel the few men who are near look at one of us and not the other? Why do we lack professionalism and seek validation from those who do nothing but bring us down? Why Black women? Am I the only woman that sees another Black woman doing great, I instantly feel proud, as if I also made it? Am I not my sister’s keeper? What happened to sisterhood? What happened to accountability?

badu shrug

I will say that my circle of friends that are women encourage each other, we sing each other’s praises. Since moving, I have been blessed beyond words. But one of the few things I have noticed here is that a lot of women are simply out for themselves, and they do not understand the concept of a true sisterhood. It’s more about what you can do for them. How they can use you. But every time that gets me down, I think… ‘look how I am blessed.’ It’s simply a reality check on the times. But at the end of the day, I will continue to shine, I will continue to encourage and uplift, I am going to continue to pray for better times. I will…

issa rae claim your throne

 

( I know I have been gone from the blogging community for a while, but I am back! Bare with me, I will be posting old poetry and more thoughts on my journey. So much to share, so many new experiences, new love, new position at work, new and improved outlook on life, more headaches, more heart smiles. I’m out here living and I am ready to share more of me with you all)

janelle monet

 

-V.

What’s In Your Cup?

“Who is filling your cup?” Someone asked me this very question recently. I paused when I heard this, because honestly I did not know the answer to that particular question. But it made me think. And that was the intention of this person. Force me to think. To think about my patterns, what I attract, and what energy I give off. “Who is filling your cup?” was a loaded question that needed to be asked.

moving-coffee

Now I will say that I have been blessed tremendously in the past few months and everything I asked for I received and more! But yet, I sat and found myself feeling…. empty. You may say, but your cup should have been running over! And it was, but I did what I do best, I poured into other people’s cup. And that’s not a bad thing, but the issue that occurred in doing that, is I poured into cups that I had to supply. I had to supply the cup and then pour into it. Why was I attracting this type of person? Instead of placing the blame on them, I looked inwards. Why did they feel comfortable enough to ask me to give? Why did I feel bad for asking for the same in return from these very same people? Why do I find potential mates in men who were ‘dames’ in distress and why do I feel apt to want to help out of the goodness of my heart? The foolishness of my heart. With all that said. I had to stop. Pause. This is a pattern. It almost happened again today!

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I caught myself and I stopped and I said to myself, “My cup is not just a cup, it’s fine china. I will not use it everyday for any old guest, you have to special.” To some, this may seem cold, and I do not intend to come off standoffish, but if I don’t protect me, who will? I looked back at the last few men that I have dated and it was the same pattern. I poured into their cups and when I needed my cup filled, they never had enough to give.  I will let that be. Thats a whole other blog post! LOL

With that being said, I am so grateful to my friend who listened to me and poured knowledge onto me. I truly appreciate those who can make me think and force me to look within. She truly poured into my cup and today, my cup runneth over.

beyonce-kiss-thanks

 

 

-V.

I. F. W.

As a woman, I know I struggle with deciphering between 3 things.

Intuition

Fear

Wisdom

Intuition is something we, as women, are born with. It’s innate. We have that feeling when things with your significant other is not right, when your child is in danger or simply needs your help, or when a career move is just not right. There are times we can’t even justify our feelings, we just know.

Then we have fear. Fear throws all of what we think we know into confusion and at times chaos. Fear doesn’t allow you to truly tap into your intuition. It just makes it scared to trust it.

Finally there is good old wisdom. That’s your experience. There is nothing like wisdom to lead you to where you need to be based on where you came from. Wisdom is golden. Wisdom is priceless.

My issue. Not being able to navigate between all three. Is what I’m feeling my women’s intuition? Is it fear of the unknown? Or have I seen this before? It feels familiar. How many women struggle with this? I consider myself to be a smart woman, and yet there are times I get in my own way and there were other times where I’ve saved myself from heartbreak, bad career choices and so much more.  

The struggle is real.


-V.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

I know it’s been a while since I last blogged, but lately I have been inclined to share a lesson that I had to relearn recently. Whatever you allow to consume your thoughts will soon manifest into reality. Therefore, watch your thoughts for they will become your words. Mind your words for they will become your actions and your actions will be your habits. I know this! At least I thought I did.

Watch-your-thoughts-words-actions-habits

I preached it day in and day out to my friends, but here I was, not even following my own advice. Not following what I read and studied in books. I am here now holding myself accountable and sharing my experience. Recently, a situation came up where I allowed a negative thought to manifest. I began to act in them (only for a short while- which was still too long) I pushed my negative thoughts and insecurity onto someone that has grown close to me. Why? Stupid fear (that jerk again). It took their positive nature to kindly check me, which forced me to pause and say to myself, “Whoa! Who am I becoming?” I then thought, this isn’t a new behavior. I have been doing this for quite some time and always justified it. Not this time. I am thankful that someone was able to be honest and up front with me and communicate it and God allowed me to listen and keep my rebuttals short. Two ears, one mouth. It was time for me to check myself.

oprah i willnot accept that gif

So, I prayed. I read. I prayed some more. I reflected on my behavior. It clicked. I allowed my past hurt to push into current life. In every aspect of my life I needed to redirect my thoughts, words and actions to reflect of what I was feeling. Positive. In order to evolve in light I was destined to shine under, I had to evolve the way I did things, the way I thought and the words I spoke. Again, I prayed. I read some more. I sat in silence and I righted my wrongs. I am still a work in progress, but I realized nothing is the same. Everything is different, so why approach it all in the same way? And I must tell you… I feel so much better!

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-New & Improved V

So, About That Friday Night Turn-Up…

cant find a guy i like

Well, well, well,  tonight, I finally decided on going on a date with someone I met online. I haven’t spoken to this guy yet on the phone and I haven’t truly conversed with him online yet either. But, still agreed to meet up at a local coffee shop. I got there early of course and sat in my car chit chatting with one of my besties. As I am talking to her, I get an unsettling feeling come over me. I don’t want to meet this guy. Do I have a reason? No. I just have no desire to meet him. At all. I think he is fairly attractive. He seems ok, I guess, but not enough to meet him. As I am talking to my friend, I found myself justifying why I wanted to meet him. I would say, “Why not, its Friday night and I am tired of sitting at home” or when she asked, what is this guy about? I responded, “ Umm, I don’t really know. I had to review our chat history on the app to see what his name was. I didn’t truly have enough interest to find out more. Hell, I don’t even know what he does for a living.” Sigh. She just said, “ Ok Girl.” and laughed. I am sitting in this Starbucks parking lot comfortable in my AC and thinking, I don’t want to be here. I have no interest in meeting this guy. Of course I am going through a wave of emotions after I hang up with her. I see that it s 612p, and we are due to meet at 630p. I decided right then and there, nope, I don’t want to be here. I logged on to my app and typed up “ I am going to have to cancel. Got a project at work that I thought I would be done with, will have to reschedule. My apologies” I hit send and drove off. I felt free. He quickly responds, “That’s too bad, I was almost there.” I didn’t even reply to that.

rhonjjacexcuseherself

What is it about this guy that had me ditch the date? I don’t know, but I do know that I decided to go a local sports bar that a coworker told me about. I figured I could watch the NBA finals there and have a meal. I drove to this sports place and I again, sat in my car and saw all these men go into the bar and the line was starting form outside the door. I thought to myself, oh no I am not feeling this either. I sat in the parking lot for 5 minutes before driving off and heading home.

i adore my own company

I came home and felt so relaxed. Made dinner had wine and jammed out to music. Peace, I felt peace. I finally just sat down and thought, I could have gone out, had fun and mingled and yet I rather be in my own company. 3 weeks here and no real outing, I think that’s ok, right? Oh well, I am having a great time being alone. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find something to do to mingle with society! However, I still find the evening to be very successful!

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Happy Friday Y’all!

 

-V.

Oh, The Dating Woes…

Oh these dating woes…

online dating

I can’t figure it out if it’s just me or if it’s these men I am chatting it up with. I have yet to met anyone in my new town because I think everyone is crazy. I mean some guys love to hit me with the “wyd” after a couple of messages. I am instantly annoyed. To me that symbolizes someone after a hook up. But I try not to be too presumptuous so I play along, only to block them 20 minutes later because they want pictures and tell me how cute I am but don’t truly try to get know me. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so..

rih eye roll

I decided to compile yet another list but this time of online dating turnoffs for most educated women.new-girl-winston-creep

  1. Shorthand is so lazy. WYD, IJS, ‘U” is an instant turn off.
  2. If he works from home…he may not understand a standard workday…Those “wyd”  texts come far too frequently. “Working man!” *eye rolls*
  3. He wants pictures before he asks you for your name
  4. Never asks to meet up but only at night… nah son. I need to see your face in the daylight.
  5. He always TEXTS but never calls…. suspect
  6. He acts like he is the prize and not you… no boo. I am the prize.brain angry
  7. Honestly, trust your GUT. You know deep down if you should take it to the next level and meet offline.
  8. If he is trying to “wife” you without meeting you and making plans for your life and you don’t even know his last name. No No No. I am running for the hills. I don’t want to meet you now and you have found a place on my blocked list.  deal breaker
  9. The forever pen pals. I will leave that there.
  10. He speaks of marriage within the first week of chatting. RED FLAG. RUN!

I think at times I have way too many expectations for some of these guys and other times simply don’t want to be bothered. I am so good in my place of peace that it will take someone really great and worthwhile to get me out. I have had luck in the past with online dating. So I won’t knock it too hard, but I tell you what, it makes it much easier when you know what you want. You won’t waste your time or theirs.

standards

What are some of your woes? I know men have them too! I hear about it all the time! Share!

 

-V.