The Convo – Part 2

 

I walked in the door and dropped the keys and my purse on the kitchen counter. I kicked off my shoes and left them on the floor in the hallway. I walked towards the couch and pull out my phone. Maybe I should call Kayla. I quickly decided against it. I just don’t have the energy to speak about this dinner with anyone.

I need another drink.

I got up and poured myself a shot of Café Patron. I took a sip, griped the glass with both hands and exhaled deeply as I sat down on the couch trying to recap the dinner with Daniel.

I thought I was over Daniel. I haven’t seen or heard from him in a year. I went out on a couple of dates here and there, but I never took things too far. I agreed to have dinner with him simply out of curiosity. Now, it seems as if curiosity killed the cat. I am here confused over someone I was over months ago.

My phone buzzed.

I walked over and checked my notification.

“Hope you got home safe. Although the evening wasn’t how I thought it would play out in my mind, I am happy at the fact that I got to see you. Goodnight Evelyn.”

I started to respond, but I backspaced and left it at that. Knowing him he already saw the grey bubble appear and disappear.

Right now, I just need things to slow down and make sense to me. I honestly don’t know how I feel.

The phone buzzed again.

This time it’s Xiomara. “Girl, you good?”

“I’m good. Just exhausted. We will catch up at lunch tomorrow.” I replied.

“Night girl” she replies.

I turned off all notifications and turned the phone face down. I guzzled the rest of my Café Patron and headed to my bedroom to get some well-needed rest.

~~~

The morning at the office was a breeze. I had to give a presentation to senior management and it was flawless, so needless to say I am in a great mood, despite last night’s dinner.

I pulled up to Lime, a Mexican spot near the office, to meet with my girls to recap.

I looked and saw Xio and Kayla and waved to them as I got out of my car.

“Hey girls!” I said to both of them.

“Ohhh honey, someone is in a good mood…I wonder if that’s what we are going to talk about?” Kayla asked inquisitively.

“No, boo”, “I just had a great morning at work.” I replied.

“Ugh such a fun killer” said Xio.

I approached the cashier and placed my order. I am cheating today. I earned it.

“I am going to have Nach‘yo Mama’s Nachos with ground beef and all the trimmings! And a frozen sangria.” I told the cashier

“Well daaamn girl, forget your diet huh?” Kayla said.

“Yup!”

Kayla and Xio placed their orders; we grabbed our numbers and looked for an empty table.

“So, let forgo the chit chat and tell us what happened? I texted you and you never replied!” Kayla said.

Xio sat there sipping her frozen sangria and waved the attendant down for our food.

“Ok, so you know I was nervous as hell right? I wore my black dress with the royal blue pumps. I was going to wear red, but decided that wouldn’t be appropriate, don’t need him thinking I was trying to go all out, ya know?” I said.

“Right, the blue pumps are way more appropriate, wear the red ones in his bed instead.” Xio said with a devilish grin.

“No! I can’t with you girl!” I scolded her. We all laughed and I took a sip of my sangria and ate some food, in between bites, I continued.

“Anyway, he stood up”

“Where did you guys go eat?” Kayla interrupted.

“J. Alexander’s. Stop interrupting so I can finish, I only have an hour for lunch! Anywho, he basically wanted to apologize I guess and talk about our relationship and that we could have tried harder. He said he knows he wasn’t his best self, blah blah blah. He mentioned something about how he was going through something or issues that he didn’t want to get into, but that is precisely what I want to know about.”

“What did you say?” Xio asked.

“Well, I told him how I felt at the end of the relationship. I told him how I didn’t feel it was necessary to work things through now, because when we were in the thick of it I felt alone and as if was he no longer interested in me.” I took a slight pause after saying that.

I continued, “He wants to work on us now. I don’t know how I feel. A part of me wants to see what happens and see if he changes, but at my pace. And another part of me is scared of getting sucked in and hurt all over again. I’m scared to love him and I don’t trust him with my heart. But I must say, he looked so good. And his cologne. Lawd have mercy on my soul!”

“Jeez, get a grip Ev.” Kayla laughed.

“Well, you have every right to feel that way. I do commend him for manning up and talking to you in a mature way and not placing blame or yelling. For that he seems to have done some thinking. Danny that I know would have said, ‘F-It and next!’ He is coming for you Ev.” Kayla said.

“The way I see it is you don’t have anything to lose.” Xio said. “ Hear him out, go at your own pace and if he messes up one time…chuck up the deuces. We ain’t 25 anymore honey.”

“Girl please, we age just like fine wine!” I proclaimed.

“Well, aiming to be a vintage wine isn’t hot.” Xio said.

“Ugh, I know! I just need time to gather my thoughts some more. Why would I want to open up that part of me again just to get hurt? Hell, he is talking a good game right now. I bet I won’t hear from him now that he sees it isn’t going to be easy.”

“Did he text you last night?” Xio asked.

“Yeah”

“Then his ass is calling today. Mark my words.”

“Well I am not holding my breath.” I said.

“Girl, we will talk later! I gotta get back to work. My boss is clocking me. Ugh can’t stand his fat ass.” Xio said.

“I hear ya! We should go for brunch on Sunday.” I said.

“Let’s do it!” Kayla responded.

“It’s a date! Bye girls!”

 

-V.

Part 3 coming soon!

broken lollipop

Advertisements

Crush

girl frustrated

Now that I like you

that I fear you

Afraid of all that could go wrong

Yet hoping for all that I want to be right

Now that I like you

I have anxiety over you

Will you call

Will you text

Will you continue to pursue me

Or pass me up for the next.

Now that my heart sees you 

I’m nervous for you and us

Trying to stay cool 

Being mindful to not always make a fuss

About things I didn’t give two fucks about

Before I liked you

-V.

V Comes Out to Play! But Went Back Inside.

I haven’t done a week in review in over 2 months! In the past couple weeks, my eventful, uneventful life had some moments. Some moments, I have shared, and some I haven’t. So here is a bit of an update … I finally went out in the evening time to a poetry open mic event… and I went ALONE. Yep, I did it! It was very small and quaint. But overall, I just started talking to people and met some cool people, who even tried to convince me to recite a poem on open mic. I was like oooooooohh noooo. I am NOT ready for all of that. But, in hindsight, I should have. I think soon, I will break my virginity of reciting on open mic. I must relive the Nina moment in Love Jones!

nina hair flying 

Another first in this new town is I finally went on a date. And it was great! We sat and spoke for hours. Nice, right? I was so proud of myself for not bailing out on this one. Ha! But that was the only time I saw this guy. He religiously texts everyday and never skips a day. But he still doesn’t know much about me and doesn’t seem too eager either. Then the textversation gets more sexual. I laugh it off at first, because at the end of the day, that is what’s on their mind. I get it. But express your interest, RESPECTFULLY and move THE FUCK ON. Sorry for the vulgarity, but this is a pet peeve and a common theme I’ve witnessed as of late. I do not engage in it, and it eventually stops, however, when that becomes the only time you engage in this wack ass textversation, it gets really old really fast. When it isn’t him trying to see if you down to Fu- . Then he stops replying or his replies are hour or two apart until you don’t respond and the next day hits you up in the afternoon with “Hey Gorgeous” or “ Hey my boo” my reaction….no reaction. I delete the thread and say to myself, “boy bye.” I can’t with these men. We didn’t even get to date two. Sorry, not sorry. #kanyeshurg

kanye stop it alright 

I must say I love my job. Finally! My coworkers are great and I am really building some friendships with a couple of people and that feels great. What a feeling to be valued at work! I forgot what that felt like. For someone, your boss at that, ask you “What do you think?” Say word???

kelly shocked

I even got an email from a recruiter a couple of days ago about a job opportunities for a manager job in a different company and I have no interest. Why? I have a great schedule, a great manager, and wonderful coworkers. I am not leaving this for the unknown, even for more money. I think I am going to ride this out and just be patient. Things will work out for my favor. I can feel it.

With time, things will get better for me with adjusting to being all alone here, but the way things are panning, that won’t be for long. I am learning to love spending time by myself, catching up on books and just giggling all day when I am at work. If you ask me, I think I have it pretty good here. I think I’ll stay. 

carlton dance

 

-V.

Oh, The Dating Woes…

Oh these dating woes…

online dating

I can’t figure it out if it’s just me or if it’s these men I am chatting it up with. I have yet to met anyone in my new town because I think everyone is crazy. I mean some guys love to hit me with the “wyd” after a couple of messages. I am instantly annoyed. To me that symbolizes someone after a hook up. But I try not to be too presumptuous so I play along, only to block them 20 minutes later because they want pictures and tell me how cute I am but don’t truly try to get know me. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so..

rih eye roll

I decided to compile yet another list but this time of online dating turnoffs for most educated women.new-girl-winston-creep

  1. Shorthand is so lazy. WYD, IJS, ‘U” is an instant turn off.
  2. If he works from home…he may not understand a standard workday…Those “wyd”  texts come far too frequently. “Working man!” *eye rolls*
  3. He wants pictures before he asks you for your name
  4. Never asks to meet up but only at night… nah son. I need to see your face in the daylight.
  5. He always TEXTS but never calls…. suspect
  6. He acts like he is the prize and not you… no boo. I am the prize.brain angry
  7. Honestly, trust your GUT. You know deep down if you should take it to the next level and meet offline.
  8. If he is trying to “wife” you without meeting you and making plans for your life and you don’t even know his last name. No No No. I am running for the hills. I don’t want to meet you now and you have found a place on my blocked list.  deal breaker
  9. The forever pen pals. I will leave that there.
  10. He speaks of marriage within the first week of chatting. RED FLAG. RUN!

I think at times I have way too many expectations for some of these guys and other times simply don’t want to be bothered. I am so good in my place of peace that it will take someone really great and worthwhile to get me out. I have had luck in the past with online dating. So I won’t knock it too hard, but I tell you what, it makes it much easier when you know what you want. You won’t waste your time or theirs.

standards

What are some of your woes? I know men have them too! I hear about it all the time! Share!

 

-V.

The Conversation

“Hi! Welcome to J. Alexander, will it be just you dining tonight?”

“Good evening, I am meeting someone, he sho-“ I abruptly stopped talking

I see him stand up and wave.

“Thank you, I see who I am meeting”

“Ok Ma’am, enjoy your meal”

“Thank you” I smiled.

I walk across the restaurant and up the stairs to the table. I pass a hand over my stomach and straighten up my dress a bit.

As I approach the table, he stands up.

“So glad you agreed to meet me.” He says as he kisses me on the cheek

I stiffen up a bit as he nears me and replied, “Sure.”

I sat down in the booth and looked at him. All these thoughts are going through my mind. I haven’t seen him in a year. Out of the blue he called me and asked to meet up to talk. I was a bit apprehensive, but knowing how things ended, it was a good idea to finally get closure once and for all. I have yet to date anyone because of him.

“You seem deep in thought,” he says bringing me back to where I drifted off.

“Yes, I am so sorry, how rude. I was just thinking how long it’s been since we saw each other. Bittersweet.” I say and then look up to meet his gaze.

We sat there for about one minute looking at each other.

“Good evening, I am Shirley, I will be your server this evening” breaking our gaze. “Can I start you off with something to drink?” she addressed me.

“Umm, let me get a…” I grab the menu and quickly browse over the drinks menu.

“I will have a glass of Resiling, thank you.” I tell Shirley. She writes it down and walks away.

“So…” I say to him.

“Look, I know this seems odd for us to be here knowing on things left off but I truly want to clear the air with you. I had a lot of time to think about what happened and I see that we both could have worked harder at making it work.” He tells me.

I took a deep breath.

“We could have. But you just took it too far Daniel. Way too far. I realized in the final moments of our relationship that most days I felt more alone with you than actually being alone. I felt like you weren’t a true friend to me and I couldn’t talk to you about anything.”

I continued, “What is the reason to work for a relationship you treated as something to do on your off time? There were days, you treated me as if I were disposable. I hated feeling like you could do without me and you will be alright.”

“I know. There were a lot of things I needed to work out for myself. And of course tonight I can’t go into it all, but I did treat you that way and I wasn’t at my best.”

The server comes and asks us if we are ready to order.

We both skimmed at the menu and ordered.

“Would you like another Reisling?” She asked.

“Umm, I need something stronger, can I have a vodka and tonic with extra lime?”

“Sure, and you sir?” She asked.

“I will take a whisky on the rocks”

“Is Jack Daniels ok sir?”

“Yes that will do, thank you.”

She turns and attends to another table.

Daniel and I sat there in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of us looking to pick the conversation back up.

“How is Nina?” I asked about his daughter.

He smiled.

“She is good. Spending my money but good. Thanks for asking. She always asks about you.”

“I miss her. Tell her I said hello.”

“I hope one day you will tell her yourself”

We just sat there and looked at each other. I broke the gaze and looked away. This is getting to intense. I don’t know how to feel. I remember how I felt in the relationship with him, but I also remember the good times we had too. I did love him. But most importantly, I never got over how he made me feel. It still troubles me to this day.

“I felt like I was never good enough, that no matter what I did to please you, it wasn’t good enough to make you love me the way I loved you.” I told him.

He sat there and looked at me and reached his hand over the table to touch mine. I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap.

He sighed and retracted his hands.

“I am sorry. I truly am. You were …sorry. You are a good woman. I didn’t know how to appreciate you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Do you think we…” He asks.

“Don’t ask me that. Please don’t. I haven’t seen or heard from you in over a year. You don’t have the right to ask me anything with ‘we’”. I said sternly but in a hushed tone.

“I know, I know.” He said looking down.

At just that moment, our food came and we ate silently and commented on the food.

I asked Shirley for yet another vodka and tonic and he declined another drink.

“You are driving home right?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want you to be under the influence.”

“Well we don’t always get what we want, right?”

He looked frustrated at me and we just sat there in silence.

I looked at my phone under the table and see texts from my friend

“What happened?”

“Omg, the suspense is killing me”

“Be kind girl, he is trying I’m sure. Stay open minded.”

Another friend texts “Tell him where he can go and stay. Loser.”

I sighed and put the phone away.

I honestly don’t know how to feel. I hope he doesn’t think we are going to just magically pick up where we left off.

“This is a lot.” He says.

“It is.”

“Do you think that we can talk again, maybe go for a walk? Have a drink at a bar?”

I didn’t say a word.

He continues after a few minutes “It would be selfish of me to think that things will be better instantly. It will take time, but if I can have you as just a friend to start, I’ll take it. I just want to show you how I value you.”

I look at him and remain silent.

The check came and he paid. I thanked him for the meal.

He offers to walk me to my car as we walk out the restaurant.

I remained silent and began walking and he followed me. We got to my car and I held the handle to unlock my door and placed my handbag on the drivers seat and closed the door and faced him. He looked at me with melancholy. I looked down. He took my hand and held it and said “Can I at least call you tomorrow?”

I replied, “ok.”

He smiled.

“I didn’t say I was going to answer.”

He stopped smiling and then I smirked.

“Drive safe and I will text you to make sure you are home safe and I will call you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Daniel and thank you for dinner.”

“No, thank you for accompanying me.”

I smiled and got into my car and I watched him walk away in my rearview mirror.

He turned around and our eyes met. I thought to myself. If he calls, I’ll answer.

where_is_the_love__by_timellya1209

-V.

Happily Single…For Now..

sleep sideways

Is there such a thing as being too comfortable being alone? I was talking to a co-worker today and we were both saying that we are a bit too content with being single. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would like to have a happy marriage and solid relationship, but only with the right person. I will not just give up sleeping diagonally in my bed, watching ratchet TV, my sappy girly shows and cooking at my pleasure. I don’t have to wear cute lounging clothes around the house, and no one is giving me grief about my headscarf. Life is good. Lonely at times but good. I am genuinely happy. To get me out of that space will take an amazing man. I am starting to think he may not exist but only in my mind. BUT I will continue to have FAITH.

Standards gif

I try, but maybe those I pick aren’t whom God is picking. But I will say that every pick is getting better, so the right one is near. Until then, I’ll continue to enjoy sleeping diagonally on my queen size bed, wear my comfy undies and sweats and enjoy Love and Hip Hop, Scandal, The Blacklist and Jane the Virgin.

beyonce gif

 

-V.

2016 at Midnight

**Disclaimer- Fiction story!”

New-Year-Love-Kiss-Tumblr-2016

(Phone ringing)

“Hello?”

“Girl, why did you answer the phone like someone stole your dog?” said Talia

I sighed “Whatever. What’s up? It’s New Years Eve, I know you guys have a party or two or three to go to”

“Cheer up! Anyway, that is why I called you. You are coming out with me tonight!”

I laughed “Yeah ok. No, tonight, I am going to Netflix and no chill and I bought myself a great bottle of Merlot and cooked a dinner to die for. I am good. But you girls have fun!”

Talia wasn’t having it though “No, I am sick and tired of you being so anti-social. You are going to do something different for a change and you are coming out with me even if I have to drag you out the house myself. Don’t try me Roni”

I rolled my eyes and thought about putting my own foot down and doing what I want which was stay home and relax or I could go out for a change like Talia is forcing me to do and I may actually have a good time.

“Fine. Against my better judgment I will go, BUT you are so driving!”

“Roni, you have a deal. I will pick you up at 9:30pm sharp!” said Talia.

“Uh huh, 9:30pm sharp to you means 10. I’ll be ready at 10p”

“Whatever hoe”

“Love you too! See you later lady” I hung up the phone.

At 10:30pm, Talia sends me a text informing me she is outside and of course I gave her hell for being late as usual.

“You are going to be late to your own funeral. Really a whole hour late?”

“Look Roni, beauty takes time. I have to make sure I look fine for midnight. And girl, you look amazing. I am positive you will find you a boo tonight!”

“Thanks! You look great as well. You will find a new boo tonight. I am so good. I am happy in my life now. Don’t need a man making me miserable.” I told her.

Talia just looked at me and rolled her eyes. I guess she is tired of my speeches on being single and stress free.

We walked into a beautiful home in the suburbs and the décor was beautiful, lights hanging everywhere. The place was packed and everyone was dancing to the 2015 hit Cheerleader by Omi. As I turned around, Talia was rushing off to the other side of the house. I glanced around the room until I spotted the table with the drinks. I walked over to the table trying hard not to bump into the people dancing. I finally got to the table and see Coca-Cola, Sprite, various wines, beer is in the cooler next to the table, then I saw vodka, my poison of choice. I made myself a drink, vodka and a splash of pineapple. I took a few sips and began to feel myself relax a bit. I spotted the DJ across the room and he has his Apple laptop open and headphones half on. He changed up the song and now he is playing Beyonce’s 7/11 song. I started to walk around the room to see if I spot Talia and still nowhere to be found. Ugh. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Had I known she was going to leave me once we hit the door I would have sat my butt at home. I pull my clutch from under my arm and pulled out my iPhone and its 11:45pm. 15 minutes until midnight and I am sitting in a strange house and still alone.

I found a seat and sat down, I put my clutch next to me and continue to sip my drink and vibe to the music. I had to give it to the DJ. He is good, everyone is dancing.

“Is this seat taken?”

I looked up and this gorgeous man is standing over me with the nicest smile I have seen in a long time.

“Umm, it is now by you.” I responded

“I’m Sebastian, Happy New Years”

“Nice to meet you and same to you, I’m Veronica but I go by Roni.” I smiled and turned away. He is fine and I am starting to blush and this drink is giving me some sort of liquid courage.

“So Roni, why are you sitting here alone with only a few minutes left until midnight? Where is Mr. Roni?”

“No Mr. Roni” I laughed and continued “I came here with my friend Talia and she kinda got lost in the crowd, what about you? Where is Mrs. Sebastian?”

“Look Roni, I am flattered, you are beautiful and all, but I don’t think we are ready to be married” He joked

“Really sir? You are a trip!” I laughed

“No lady in my life, hence why I am here as well and my friend kinda flowed with the wind tonight once we got here. Guess he didn’t want competition with the ladies.”

“I can see why he would feel that way, one flash of that smile, you will steal any woman he was interested in”

“The only thing I’m thinking of stealing is a kiss at midnight from this beautiful woman sitting next to me”

I swallowed real heard. Oh boy.

“Oh, no one is sitting on the other side of you. So I guess that leaves me huh?” I flirted back.

I looked at my phone and its 11:57pm

I looked at Sebastian “ We have 3 minutes left until 2016, are we sealing it with a kiss?”

He replied, “I would be overjoyed. I can end the year right and start it even better” He said while applying a fresh coat of chapstick. This is going to happen I see.

“I don’t go around kissing men I just me-“

Sebastian grabbed me and put his hand gently around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss.

At that moment, the room stilled. I no longer heard the music; I forget we were in a crowded room. Faintly in the background, I heard a countdown

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Happy New Years!” Auld Lang Syne plays in the background and Sebastian and I are sitting in an embrace as we kissed.

I pull back from his embrace after a few moments and I sat there smiling at him.

“Veronica, I don’t know if you felt that, but I know I sure did”

“Oh yea, I felt something alright”

“Let’s dance”

“I’d love to”

Sebastian took my hand and led me to the dance floor as we danced to the next couple of songs. As I look up I see Talia, smiling and giving me a thumbs up and blowing kisses at me. I smiled back at her.

I guess she was right, this year its time to do something different. This is going to be a good year.

 

El Fin.

 

-V.