V Comes Out to Play! But Went Back Inside.

I haven’t done a week in review in over 2 months! In the past couple weeks, my eventful, uneventful life had some moments. Some moments, I have shared, and some I haven’t. So here is a bit of an update … I finally went out in the evening time to a poetry open mic event… and I went ALONE. Yep, I did it! It was very small and quaint. But overall, I just started talking to people and met some cool people, who even tried to convince me to recite a poem on open mic. I was like oooooooohh noooo. I am NOT ready for all of that. But, in hindsight, I should have. I think soon, I will break my virginity of reciting on open mic. I must relive the Nina moment in Love Jones!

nina hair flying 

Another first in this new town is I finally went on a date. And it was great! We sat and spoke for hours. Nice, right? I was so proud of myself for not bailing out on this one. Ha! But that was the only time I saw this guy. He religiously texts everyday and never skips a day. But he still doesn’t know much about me and doesn’t seem too eager either. Then the textversation gets more sexual. I laugh it off at first, because at the end of the day, that is what’s on their mind. I get it. But express your interest, RESPECTFULLY and move THE FUCK ON. Sorry for the vulgarity, but this is a pet peeve and a common theme I’ve witnessed as of late. I do not engage in it, and it eventually stops, however, when that becomes the only time you engage in this wack ass textversation, it gets really old really fast. When it isn’t him trying to see if you down to Fu- . Then he stops replying or his replies are hour or two apart until you don’t respond and the next day hits you up in the afternoon with “Hey Gorgeous” or “ Hey my boo” my reaction….no reaction. I delete the thread and say to myself, “boy bye.” I can’t with these men. We didn’t even get to date two. Sorry, not sorry. #kanyeshurg

kanye stop it alright 

I must say I love my job. Finally! My coworkers are great and I am really building some friendships with a couple of people and that feels great. What a feeling to be valued at work! I forgot what that felt like. For someone, your boss at that, ask you “What do you think?” Say word???

kelly shocked

I even got an email from a recruiter a couple of days ago about a job opportunities for a manager job in a different company and I have no interest. Why? I have a great schedule, a great manager, and wonderful coworkers. I am not leaving this for the unknown, even for more money. I think I am going to ride this out and just be patient. Things will work out for my favor. I can feel it.

With time, things will get better for me with adjusting to being all alone here, but the way things are panning, that won’t be for long. I am learning to love spending time by myself, catching up on books and just giggling all day when I am at work. If you ask me, I think I have it pretty good here. I think I’ll stay. 

carlton dance

 

-V.

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The Conversation

“Hi! Welcome to J. Alexander, will it be just you dining tonight?”

“Good evening, I am meeting someone, he sho-“ I abruptly stopped talking

I see him stand up and wave.

“Thank you, I see who I am meeting”

“Ok Ma’am, enjoy your meal”

“Thank you” I smiled.

I walk across the restaurant and up the stairs to the table. I pass a hand over my stomach and straighten up my dress a bit.

As I approach the table, he stands up.

“So glad you agreed to meet me.” He says as he kisses me on the cheek

I stiffen up a bit as he nears me and replied, “Sure.”

I sat down in the booth and looked at him. All these thoughts are going through my mind. I haven’t seen him in a year. Out of the blue he called me and asked to meet up to talk. I was a bit apprehensive, but knowing how things ended, it was a good idea to finally get closure once and for all. I have yet to date anyone because of him.

“You seem deep in thought,” he says bringing me back to where I drifted off.

“Yes, I am so sorry, how rude. I was just thinking how long it’s been since we saw each other. Bittersweet.” I say and then look up to meet his gaze.

We sat there for about one minute looking at each other.

“Good evening, I am Shirley, I will be your server this evening” breaking our gaze. “Can I start you off with something to drink?” she addressed me.

“Umm, let me get a…” I grab the menu and quickly browse over the drinks menu.

“I will have a glass of Resiling, thank you.” I tell Shirley. She writes it down and walks away.

“So…” I say to him.

“Look, I know this seems odd for us to be here knowing on things left off but I truly want to clear the air with you. I had a lot of time to think about what happened and I see that we both could have worked harder at making it work.” He tells me.

I took a deep breath.

“We could have. But you just took it too far Daniel. Way too far. I realized in the final moments of our relationship that most days I felt more alone with you than actually being alone. I felt like you weren’t a true friend to me and I couldn’t talk to you about anything.”

I continued, “What is the reason to work for a relationship you treated as something to do on your off time? There were days, you treated me as if I were disposable. I hated feeling like you could do without me and you will be alright.”

“I know. There were a lot of things I needed to work out for myself. And of course tonight I can’t go into it all, but I did treat you that way and I wasn’t at my best.”

The server comes and asks us if we are ready to order.

We both skimmed at the menu and ordered.

“Would you like another Reisling?” She asked.

“Umm, I need something stronger, can I have a vodka and tonic with extra lime?”

“Sure, and you sir?” She asked.

“I will take a whisky on the rocks”

“Is Jack Daniels ok sir?”

“Yes that will do, thank you.”

She turns and attends to another table.

Daniel and I sat there in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of us looking to pick the conversation back up.

“How is Nina?” I asked about his daughter.

He smiled.

“She is good. Spending my money but good. Thanks for asking. She always asks about you.”

“I miss her. Tell her I said hello.”

“I hope one day you will tell her yourself”

We just sat there and looked at each other. I broke the gaze and looked away. This is getting to intense. I don’t know how to feel. I remember how I felt in the relationship with him, but I also remember the good times we had too. I did love him. But most importantly, I never got over how he made me feel. It still troubles me to this day.

“I felt like I was never good enough, that no matter what I did to please you, it wasn’t good enough to make you love me the way I loved you.” I told him.

He sat there and looked at me and reached his hand over the table to touch mine. I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap.

He sighed and retracted his hands.

“I am sorry. I truly am. You were …sorry. You are a good woman. I didn’t know how to appreciate you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Do you think we…” He asks.

“Don’t ask me that. Please don’t. I haven’t seen or heard from you in over a year. You don’t have the right to ask me anything with ‘we’”. I said sternly but in a hushed tone.

“I know, I know.” He said looking down.

At just that moment, our food came and we ate silently and commented on the food.

I asked Shirley for yet another vodka and tonic and he declined another drink.

“You are driving home right?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want you to be under the influence.”

“Well we don’t always get what we want, right?”

He looked frustrated at me and we just sat there in silence.

I looked at my phone under the table and see texts from my friend

“What happened?”

“Omg, the suspense is killing me”

“Be kind girl, he is trying I’m sure. Stay open minded.”

Another friend texts “Tell him where he can go and stay. Loser.”

I sighed and put the phone away.

I honestly don’t know how to feel. I hope he doesn’t think we are going to just magically pick up where we left off.

“This is a lot.” He says.

“It is.”

“Do you think that we can talk again, maybe go for a walk? Have a drink at a bar?”

I didn’t say a word.

He continues after a few minutes “It would be selfish of me to think that things will be better instantly. It will take time, but if I can have you as just a friend to start, I’ll take it. I just want to show you how I value you.”

I look at him and remain silent.

The check came and he paid. I thanked him for the meal.

He offers to walk me to my car as we walk out the restaurant.

I remained silent and began walking and he followed me. We got to my car and I held the handle to unlock my door and placed my handbag on the drivers seat and closed the door and faced him. He looked at me with melancholy. I looked down. He took my hand and held it and said “Can I at least call you tomorrow?”

I replied, “ok.”

He smiled.

“I didn’t say I was going to answer.”

He stopped smiling and then I smirked.

“Drive safe and I will text you to make sure you are home safe and I will call you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Daniel and thank you for dinner.”

“No, thank you for accompanying me.”

I smiled and got into my car and I watched him walk away in my rearview mirror.

He turned around and our eyes met. I thought to myself. If he calls, I’ll answer.

where_is_the_love__by_timellya1209

-V.