Cold Front

What happens when your heart grows cold for the one that it beats for?

When you are seeking the warmth

But the pain settles in its core

Do you continue to search for the heat?

Or let the hurt fester some more.

This love is a journey

But my body is achy and sore

What happens when your heart grows cold for the one that it beats for?

Hoping for some light in the darkness

Unable to find a way anymore

Heartbeats hums softer

More distant than before

Reminiscent of the heat that once provided comfort

Settling with the chill knowing there is a cold front in store

Accepting the forecast that this love is no more.

 

smoke

 

-V.

V Comes Out to Play! But Went Back Inside.

I haven’t done a week in review in over 2 months! In the past couple weeks, my eventful, uneventful life had some moments. Some moments, I have shared, and some I haven’t. So here is a bit of an update … I finally went out in the evening time to a poetry open mic event… and I went ALONE. Yep, I did it! It was very small and quaint. But overall, I just started talking to people and met some cool people, who even tried to convince me to recite a poem on open mic. I was like oooooooohh noooo. I am NOT ready for all of that. But, in hindsight, I should have. I think soon, I will break my virginity of reciting on open mic. I must relive the Nina moment in Love Jones!

nina hair flying 

Another first in this new town is I finally went on a date. And it was great! We sat and spoke for hours. Nice, right? I was so proud of myself for not bailing out on this one. Ha! But that was the only time I saw this guy. He religiously texts everyday and never skips a day. But he still doesn’t know much about me and doesn’t seem too eager either. Then the textversation gets more sexual. I laugh it off at first, because at the end of the day, that is what’s on their mind. I get it. But express your interest, RESPECTFULLY and move THE FUCK ON. Sorry for the vulgarity, but this is a pet peeve and a common theme I’ve witnessed as of late. I do not engage in it, and it eventually stops, however, when that becomes the only time you engage in this wack ass textversation, it gets really old really fast. When it isn’t him trying to see if you down to Fu- . Then he stops replying or his replies are hour or two apart until you don’t respond and the next day hits you up in the afternoon with “Hey Gorgeous” or “ Hey my boo” my reaction….no reaction. I delete the thread and say to myself, “boy bye.” I can’t with these men. We didn’t even get to date two. Sorry, not sorry. #kanyeshurg

kanye stop it alright 

I must say I love my job. Finally! My coworkers are great and I am really building some friendships with a couple of people and that feels great. What a feeling to be valued at work! I forgot what that felt like. For someone, your boss at that, ask you “What do you think?” Say word???

kelly shocked

I even got an email from a recruiter a couple of days ago about a job opportunities for a manager job in a different company and I have no interest. Why? I have a great schedule, a great manager, and wonderful coworkers. I am not leaving this for the unknown, even for more money. I think I am going to ride this out and just be patient. Things will work out for my favor. I can feel it.

With time, things will get better for me with adjusting to being all alone here, but the way things are panning, that won’t be for long. I am learning to love spending time by myself, catching up on books and just giggling all day when I am at work. If you ask me, I think I have it pretty good here. I think I’ll stay. 

carlton dance

 

-V.

Tears for Fears

Fear reared its ugly head this week and came into my life in many different shapes and forms. At first, I didn’t recognize him, but once he fully infiltrated my life and I succumbed to his desires, did I see it was him. It wasn’t easy, but at last, I sent him packing. Of course, he didn’t go easy and willingly. He begged and pleaded, got down on his knees. Even professed his love for me, but I knew he wasn’t good for me. He wasn’t a part of my plan. So I left anyway.

fear

Leaving was hard. I second-guessed my decision, thought of going back because it was comfortable. Fear was easy. But I am not. It took him longer than I anticipated. I was basking in my glory that I didn’t realize slowly he was making his way into my inner being. It was when he hit me dead in the gut and I fell to my knees did he finally look my in my eyes and kissed me on my lips. He welcomed me home. He wanted me to say good-bye to Faith and Hope and love only him. For days, I allowed him to wrap his love around me, but his selfish, narcissist ways sent me away once again. I told him a few days ago that I want more and no more one-sided love. Faith and Hope never hurt me this way.

beyonce over now

I am back. In all my glory.

Happy One Month Anniversary to Dallas and Me.

 

-V.

So, About That Friday Night Turn-Up…

cant find a guy i like

Well, well, well,  tonight, I finally decided on going on a date with someone I met online. I haven’t spoken to this guy yet on the phone and I haven’t truly conversed with him online yet either. But, still agreed to meet up at a local coffee shop. I got there early of course and sat in my car chit chatting with one of my besties. As I am talking to her, I get an unsettling feeling come over me. I don’t want to meet this guy. Do I have a reason? No. I just have no desire to meet him. At all. I think he is fairly attractive. He seems ok, I guess, but not enough to meet him. As I am talking to my friend, I found myself justifying why I wanted to meet him. I would say, “Why not, its Friday night and I am tired of sitting at home” or when she asked, what is this guy about? I responded, “ Umm, I don’t really know. I had to review our chat history on the app to see what his name was. I didn’t truly have enough interest to find out more. Hell, I don’t even know what he does for a living.” Sigh. She just said, “ Ok Girl.” and laughed. I am sitting in this Starbucks parking lot comfortable in my AC and thinking, I don’t want to be here. I have no interest in meeting this guy. Of course I am going through a wave of emotions after I hang up with her. I see that it s 612p, and we are due to meet at 630p. I decided right then and there, nope, I don’t want to be here. I logged on to my app and typed up “ I am going to have to cancel. Got a project at work that I thought I would be done with, will have to reschedule. My apologies” I hit send and drove off. I felt free. He quickly responds, “That’s too bad, I was almost there.” I didn’t even reply to that.

rhonjjacexcuseherself

What is it about this guy that had me ditch the date? I don’t know, but I do know that I decided to go a local sports bar that a coworker told me about. I figured I could watch the NBA finals there and have a meal. I drove to this sports place and I again, sat in my car and saw all these men go into the bar and the line was starting form outside the door. I thought to myself, oh no I am not feeling this either. I sat in the parking lot for 5 minutes before driving off and heading home.

i adore my own company

I came home and felt so relaxed. Made dinner had wine and jammed out to music. Peace, I felt peace. I finally just sat down and thought, I could have gone out, had fun and mingled and yet I rather be in my own company. 3 weeks here and no real outing, I think that’s ok, right? Oh well, I am having a great time being alone. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find something to do to mingle with society! However, I still find the evening to be very successful!

friday-night_o_862936

Happy Friday Y’all!

 

-V.

Oh, The Dating Woes…

Oh these dating woes…

online dating

I can’t figure it out if it’s just me or if it’s these men I am chatting it up with. I have yet to met anyone in my new town because I think everyone is crazy. I mean some guys love to hit me with the “wyd” after a couple of messages. I am instantly annoyed. To me that symbolizes someone after a hook up. But I try not to be too presumptuous so I play along, only to block them 20 minutes later because they want pictures and tell me how cute I am but don’t truly try to get know me. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so..

rih eye roll

I decided to compile yet another list but this time of online dating turnoffs for most educated women.new-girl-winston-creep

  1. Shorthand is so lazy. WYD, IJS, ‘U” is an instant turn off.
  2. If he works from home…he may not understand a standard workday…Those “wyd”  texts come far too frequently. “Working man!” *eye rolls*
  3. He wants pictures before he asks you for your name
  4. Never asks to meet up but only at night… nah son. I need to see your face in the daylight.
  5. He always TEXTS but never calls…. suspect
  6. He acts like he is the prize and not you… no boo. I am the prize.brain angry
  7. Honestly, trust your GUT. You know deep down if you should take it to the next level and meet offline.
  8. If he is trying to “wife” you without meeting you and making plans for your life and you don’t even know his last name. No No No. I am running for the hills. I don’t want to meet you now and you have found a place on my blocked list.  deal breaker
  9. The forever pen pals. I will leave that there.
  10. He speaks of marriage within the first week of chatting. RED FLAG. RUN!

I think at times I have way too many expectations for some of these guys and other times simply don’t want to be bothered. I am so good in my place of peace that it will take someone really great and worthwhile to get me out. I have had luck in the past with online dating. So I won’t knock it too hard, but I tell you what, it makes it much easier when you know what you want. You won’t waste your time or theirs.

standards

What are some of your woes? I know men have them too! I hear about it all the time! Share!

 

-V.