You Don’t Want Me

I had a thought, something profound I was trying to say

But in all I realized something …

You don’t want me

I know my worth yet even though, it’s so easy to succumb to what you say…

You don’t want me

I was fooled by your consistency of…texts

That you wanted me?

But I spoke of the need of phone calls to truly get to know you

I got it once…

You don’t want me

I’ve been here for 4 weeks. I’ve seen you once…

You don’t want me

It takes you hours to text me back or it falls short when it is not sexually related

You don’t want me

But you reply fast and for hours when it’s related to possibly sex or you expressing your want of it…

You don’t want me

I ask you of your intentions and you speak so general

“Girl, I’m chill, easy going. Want to get to know you inside and out. I’m passionate and touchy feely.”

Please.

You don’t want me

I ask you… “What’s my last name? What do I do for a living?”

“Girl, I just called you Gonzalez.”

I’m not Hispanic

You don’t want me.

I attempt to ignore the signs

But my uneasiness overwhelms me

I look for excuses for the things you say and do

But in actuality, there aren’t any

You don’t want me

And I won’t be the fool

To only want you.

Advertisements

0 to 100

0 to 100

I am scared to fall in love

‘Like’ freaks me out

The thought of getting hurt again

Is what has kept me in this love drought

I am scared to fall in love

I am starting to like you a bit too much

The anxiety of if you may feel the same

Has got me feeling all types fucked up

I am a ticking time bomb

That is on the road to regression

I was fine in the space I was in

Now, not knowing how you feel

And not being able to ask you to express them

What changed between yesterday and today, is me

I went from “we will see” to

Crying in my bed trying to relax with warm tea

It’s all because I realized I liked you

And I need you to like me…

Sounds so cliché, so elementary

This so all me

This is something I hope you never see

I need to get myself together

This can’t be healthy for my soul

The tears I am crying for fears I am feeling

Shouldn’t be taking control

Why am I scared to love

When it’s all that I’ve asked for

Is it that my soul knows you aren’t right

Or is it the fear of receiving love that is my issue at core

My cancer is love

For many it’s a blessing

For me it’s a false illusion of security that always has me stressing

Over reciprocity?

I need to see a professional

 

-V.

7/25/2016

I Am….V

iam

 

I leap

Through fire through storms

Burned and near drowned

I was handed this platform

Now hand me my crown

 

I jump

Past hurt past insecurities

Painful and some depressing

Looking back they couldn’t stop me

All those lessons were simply blessings

 

I run

From heartbreak from tears

Broken hearts and disappointments

Revealed strength and eased fears

Ready now for real commitment

 

I love

With passion with dedication

Liberation and admiration

Ready to release these inhibitions

And embrace my transformation

 

-V.

Fairytale Gone Wrong

***Yet another poem in my archives…hope you guys enjoy! *** -V.

Fairytale 

Rapunzel

Where is my happily ever after

My knight and shining armor?

Did chivalry get lost in the woods

Or did my fairytale dream falter

Who is going to slay the dragon to save me

The fairest of them all

My prince is busy bullshitting with the breeze

And the ogres are risking their lives just for the fall

Far from the graces of which I held my head mighty high

In the tower that seemed too risky to climb

The prince is just too afraid to try

How can I get my happily ever after

When he is in fear of dying?

What happened to the bravery?

…Stories he sold at the round table

Kings would be ashamed for this is how they got their Queens

Or so goes the fable

Pride and fear is the name of the prince’s game

Along with arrogance and pure greed

The days of chivalry are long gone

I’m just sitting in the tower waiting to be free

As I watch my prince chase the whore

It doesn’t look as if my prince is coming to get me.

(It dawned of the princess her prince is royalty no more.

Where is the happily ever after in the end of the book

As I turn page by page I realize this prince just plain old shook)

love-prince-quotes-words-Favim.com-2289134

 

3AM Madness

3am

2:58am

…and I’m thinking of you

Thinking of the possibilities, maybe

I really want to do things right

Afraid of doing something wrong

Reading these books so I don’t fuck it up this time

Finding out that the “rules” are making me insane

3:09am

Obsessing if I am pushing you away rather than drawing you near

I’m obsessing over wanting things to work because I think I like you

Yet not really giving myself a full chance to allow myself to even know if it’s you I want!

3:21am

Overanalyzing is truly bad for the soul

Realizing maybe these books aren’t really helping,

Like to text or not to text?

To act uninterested or shy?

“Don’t call him, let him call you?”

“Play hard to get! Then you get him” kind of books.

Bullshit.

3:45am

I’m seeing that at the right time, and the right man. No matter the circumstance

It will work out… Well unless you start whoring yourself or make it to easy. Wait!

3:00am madness. 

Can’t even finish a positive damn thought without feeding into the poison.

Maybe I should just sleep.

3:59am.

-V.

 

#writing101

Man Down

In less than 100 words.. Here is a different perspective… #writing101

IMG_0177

***

I watch you from afar

You’re spiraling out of control

I no longer recognize who you are

I no longer see the person I used to know

You are drowning in your despair

And refuse to see the light

Not allowing those close to care

Simply giving up the fight

 

He wakes up this morning and stares at the ceiling.  Wondering when things got so bad. He used to think he was on top of the world. Now he sits with the weight of the world on his shoulders. So he pulls out a lighter and begins to numb the pain

 

-V.

That Day

Two posts one day! Two poems to be exact. This poem was written in 2012 and I stumbled upon it recently and fell in love with it all over again. Maybe, its just me. You know I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit… 🙂

That Day
Our eyes locked
At that moment, I saw you
I saw your past hurt
I saw your caution
I saw your heart
That saw mine
We locked gazes
And at the moment nothing else mattered
Not the responsibilities that await our return
Not the commitments that were previously made
Just you and I in that moment
Along with the sun and it’s rays
The trees with their leaves
The stores with their patrons
The birds with their song
That they sang beautifully for us
On that day
The day I saw you

-V.