I started the week vowing to myself to be a bit more vulnerable and transparent in my writing. I have spoken mainly about my past – not even in true detail – but in a generalized form. I wanted to dedicate a post a week or maybe biweekly, to a personal journal entry. So I will start today! This is not as easy for me as it may be for others, but here is my week in review… Comment, like, tell me what you think!

Sunday: The morning after a great evening out with one of my closest friends. We went to an art gallery to do press for another dear friend of ours and we started talking to a group of guys that went to college with us. The whole event seems to have been filled with college alumni and this was truly for a great cause. There is nothing like seeing a group of like-minded young professionals doing something positive. Anyway, I did something bold. I did something I never have done before. I approached someone I met the night before whom I felt I connected to. All the signs were there. The stares, the random touches on the arms or back, the smiles. The stolen glances he took. So, we exchanged social media information and I figured, why not be bold! I gave him my number. So, I spent a lot of my Sunday trying to see if he would reach out and he never did. I lose interest fast, so as the evening approached, I let it go. I have other pressing things on my mind. Like Dallas…

A good friend of mine stopped by this evening and gave me a beautiful journal and awesome pen. I can say my friends are amazing in this respect. They support my writing journey. Well some of them at least. This is the second gift I got pertaining to self-improvement this week. The other one was from my bestie! 2 weeks ago, my sister kicked it off with a great book! All simply just because. Then the topic of my ex came about and that’s a whole other journal entry. I just don’t have the energy.

Monday: I am staring at my phone, but not for the guy at the gallery. I am staring and checking at my phone like a mad woman. I am waiting for that job offer. I am at work, checking my email refreshing my inbox, checking spam. Nothing yet. This manager is a bit slow because he is truly busy, so I get it. I am just impatient. Besides the wait, the day was such a blur…

Tuesday: Still waiting. Spoke to God today on my way to work. I always feel calmer after our talks. But I don’t know if it’s just me but whenever I pray, I feel like He ALWAYS answers my prayers No doubt about it. If I pray for something in particular with my friends, it comes about. If it’s for me, it comes about. I just have a hard time listening when the answer comes. After the workday, I came home and researched my new city that I am determined to move to by the summer. I am looking at neighborhoods, schools for my son, potential hair salons to keep up my hair, joined Meetup and designated my location. If it’s a question of putting it into existence, there is no doubt that I am! But with doing all of that, I begin to get anxiety. No offer still today. I shut down the laptop and go to bed at 9pm. I need to clear my mind.

Wednesday: It’s a good day. Got so much done at work. Boss called me her favorite. I am sure it’s because of my productivity as of late. Again still no phone from Cali with a job offer. I begin to babble a bit to coworkers and I was told that offers are usually on Fridays for our company. I begin to think of all the times I got my offers from them when it came to promotions. I think it was on Fridays. I am driving myself insane now. What if they don’t like me? What if their intentions are not to hire me? Fear kicks in overdrive. Fear is a bitch. I know deep, deep down I have this in the bag, but fear is still seeping in and rearing its ugly head. I got to get a grip. I have my personal training session tonight so that is a great way to stay occupied.

Thursday: I got to work super early, and was nervous about checking Outlook. I must have something today! As it loads, I try to find other things to do, but I am still staring at the “updating this folder” on the bottom waiting for bold lettering to appear…. And…nothing. Shit! Ok, I have to get it together. I will continue to plan my day.

My phone lights up. I check and it’s dude from gallery. Oh yeah, him. He writes me to tell me that he has a girlfriend. (Really? Hmm? Ok) But he would love to be friends and it’s always good to have good people in your corner. I replied back, I agree and we will keep in touch. Or at least I said something of the sorts.

Sigh. Oh well. He was cute. The girlfriend thing threw me off though. Maybe that is why he never approached me fully but was attracted to me. Either way, no love lost. I respect his honesty and I feel empowered to the 10^th degree. You don’t know if you don’t ask, right? Precisely. Definitely not a lost there.

Where is this job offer! Ok. It’s only been 5 business days. Let me get a grip. Hey, positive here…It’s Scandal Thursday and I have to cook food for a work gathering for my mom. Cooking is my therapy. Good things.

Friday: I made a pact with God that I will not stress about the job offer. I felt that 9/10 chances I got it. I felt confident in the second interview. The manager is super busy and it did take him 2 weeks and me following up to set up the second interview. I need to relax, relate and release it and allow God to work and be in control. I made a pact with myself to stay positive and not utter one negative thing for a full 24 hours and to be renewed. I also am chilling on the planning and taking a break. I need to breathe and focus on organizing my life and writing. And this is where I am, writing and watching DareDevil with my son. Binge eating a bit and being positive. Next week will be much better and much calmer. In the meantime, it is time to make plan B, plan C and so forth into action. I am determined to get to my desired destination in a few months! No, is NOT an option.

It’s the Weekend!!

-V.