I keep taking deep breaths yet I still feel short of breath

Air is not enough to satisfy my hunger

I drink bottles of water right after another yet my throat is still parched

Water is just not enough to quench my unwavering thirst

I am not comfortable being alone

Yet, I want solitude. What gives?

Isolation is not enough when peace is being sought

So,

I pray

I write

I sing

I dance

All to feel like a bottle of soda shaken up.

Ready to explode.

With any slight release of pressure

My emotions are seeping out the cracks

Just dying of some need to vent …. Nothing.

Filled up with nothing

I want to scream but don’t know why

Why do I want to scream?

Why do I want cry?

I tried. My eyes run dry

I go out alone and watch people smile.

I walk around staring

Forcing a fake smile

and say ‘hello’ when I make eye contact with another being

Looking for my inspiration in the nothing

with everything

I cook myself dinner and stand at the counter

Eating and drinking alone

In my false sense of peace

In my unwanted wanted solitude.

 

-V.

(2016)

#poetry