Go! Go! Go! Go V, It’s Ya Birthday!

My son’s card this year!  
A couple of days ago I turned 36 and I must say that it was an amazing day. Honestly, at first I was not in the birthday spirit. My friends and family would ask me if I was making plans for this birthday and my answer was “nah, not in the mood” or “It’s only 36, nothing major, I’ll go hard for 40.” Despite, my lack of wanting to celebrate, it didn’t turn out that way. One of my best friends made plans for us to go to a popular lounge in the area and I obliged. I ended up have a good time. Had my favorite Lychee Martini, about 5 of them! Saw a band perform whom the members I knew since high school and they gave me a birthday shout out which was pretty cool and then I got into the spirit. I ended up celebrating Saturday night, then again on my actual birthday on Sunday all day! My loved ones made me dinner and baked a cake for me and my mother made me dinner and invited people over. I honestly felt the love.

Over the past 36 years, I learned so many life lessons and I feel that I can help others with some of the pain that I have experienced which in turn gave me so much wisdom. I have many more lessons to learn and open to learning for I am a fallible human being in search of the answers to this mystery we call life. Here are the first 20 lessons…

1. You are going to fail at something. No one is great at everything. Let that go. Use that failure for growth. When live gives you lemons, forget lemonade. Make a lemon drop. Enjoy it and sip it slow.
2. People disappoint. Never put your all into another fallible human being. Putting people up on a pedestal is a set up for a let down. Be realistic in your expectations in others.
3. Marriage takes work. I got married early and divorced early. What I learned in my short 2-year stint, I take with me forever. Hence why I have yet to remarry. I know it takes the right person who is also committed to making it work for it to work. Today’s society has way too much comfort in always knowing there is a plan B.
4. Being a single parent sucks. People need to stop glorifying it. Two-parent household is better than one. But if you are in a toxic situation, save yourself and save your child. But be prepared to deal with all that comes with it. Good and bad.
5. If you are in a single parent situation. DO NOT talk negatively about the other parent to your child.
6. More about parenting. It is NOT about you. It is about the child. Selfish behaviors do not work.
7. Never stop dreaming and accomplishing your goals. Shit gets hard. But that doesn’t mean you give up. Keep on pushing. Go to school, record that demo, start that business, write that book, paint that mural, whatever the dream, don’t stop dreaming it.
8. Your parents aren’t that crazy. They drive your crazy, but there is a lot of wisdom to be learned from parents and grandparents.
9. Make time for your self. Stop giving your everything to everyone and every thing. Make time for yourself. Self reflect often.
10. Pray daily. Speak positives into your life. Negative thinking, negative speaking will get you negative results. I do believe that we manifest our destiny. I do believe that if we believe that something good is going to happen, it will. In the right time, it will. Have Faith and pray.
11. When people do you wrong, it is a reflection on them, not you. Let that shit go and learn from what you did and move the fuck on. Dwelling on it will make it worse and will have you questioning who you are. Refer to 10.
12. When you go on a date, people put your damn phones away. It’s rude and your date won’t like it. (See others do it and it irks me) I digress…
13. About the Exes…leave them in the past. There was a reason why it didn’t work out, right? I know there are exceptions to this but 90% of the time… let that shit go.
14. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Maya knew what she was talking about. I always used to think I could change what someone meant or going through and justify their actions. You can’t.
15. Emotional unavailable people. I learned this again recently. Run for the hills. Don’t invest in someone who tells you they are ready when ALL of their actions show that they aren’t. Save yourself and emotions and stay single.
16. Hurt people hurt people. Even if they do not know they are hurt.
17. Racism is still every so present. I am dealing with it daily at work and that sucks. How you react to it is how you survive it. Be smart
18. My biggest lesson here: PAUSE. Do not be so quick to react to everything. PAUSE. Before doing anything and saying anything. Still a work in progress.
19. Everything you do, do it with integrity. Your work speaks volumes about they type of person you are.
20. Be humble. Be conscious of what others are going through. Be kind. I learned this the hard way. I used to be unforgiving and I also used to be very black and white. Sometimes life draws you to the gray. The gray isn’t so bad, it’s a time to grow and realize that things are always what you expect them to be. When you think you have it bad, someone has it worse.
21. Bonus: What my grandmother always told me… you are not the first person to go through what you are going through and you will not be the last. So suck it up and do what needs to be done. It’s never impossible. Hard, maybe, but not impossible.

These are my lessons, what are some of yours? I am so grateful for everything that I have went through because it made me who I am. I don’t apologize for loving those I did, or trusting those I have. That’s my super womanpower. I love. I nurture, I encourage. And whomever, I did that for, I have no regrets. I hope it helped. I will do it again any day!

ONE LOVE to ALL!

-V.