Making A Lemon Drop With My Lemons

back to work

It’s the last day of the best month of the year (I am a bit partial to my birthday month) and I have enjoyed a great week long vacation from work, if I count the days I haven’t been in the office it would be 10 glorious days. However, tomorrow December 1st, I am due back in. I am dreading the thought of walking back into the office. In the past 10 days, I have spent good times with my loved ones, due to the holiday and friends visiting from out of town. I learned to make a new dessert, White Chocolate Crème Brulee (which was to die for) even bought a cooking blow torch and got real fancy! I should have taken a picture of it! In my time off, I also got to brainstorm on my writing and devote my time to I am V and possibly other ventures. I even did a little henna. I got to truly focus on me. What a concept!

IMG_4903

Tomorrow bright and early, I will be going back to high school- opps I mean work and deal with the mean girls or cliques of my department. Don’t get me wrong I have so much to learn in my job and I honestly like what I do, I just don’t care for the meaningless politics and immature behavior of miserable people. It is also hard to want to do a great job when I am now disengaged at work. Repeated offenses of being labeled, provoked to act a certain way, then receive backlash when I don’t fall for the triggers, lack of direction to perform at my best, but consistently told how I am doing it wrong with more no direction. In occasions where I shine, I am being pushed aside. When I take on initiatives and begin to receive praise, my immediate supervisor finds ways to take it away from me and pass it on to his favs. Now, I have become that employee they tell you not to become in orientation. The disengaged one. I refuse to participate in “fun” activities. No Secret Santa for me (ain’t nothing secret about it), no pot-luck for me, nope I don’t want to do lunch. I stay in my lane and mind my business. But guess what? That is wrong too. I am still labeled as the bitter black woman. Now what? I don’t respond to the negativity and keep to myself, I am bitter. If I respond to it and become more assertive (Note I say assertive, NOT aggressive), I am bitter. If I brown nose and be fake, ignore when they talk about me and participate in bad mouthing others, then viola! I am a shoe in. What’s a girl to do? I always preach about remaining authentic. I can’t conform now. How can I become engaged as an employee and put my best foot forward and stay away from the negative behaviors? The million-dollar question. (I am open to advice!)

So, I use my writing as an outlet. I am more fueled by all of this to do better for myself and follow my dreams. I want to write. I want to be creative and leave that toxic atmosphere and step outside and breathe fresh air. No more labels. I want to simply be V. So everyday, when I go into the office, I remind myself (also have to continue reminding myself) that there is a bigger picture. I have a goal. I try to turn this negative into a positive. I am employed. I actually like what I do. I can learn from this and use my good and bad experiences from it to write. Good days, write. Bad days, write some more.

Last night, I was watching the Soul Train Music Awards, which I enjoyed! I got to hear some of the old songs that I loved when I was growing up. I listened to the acceptance speeches of the ones who received awards and I was inspired yet again. Jill Scott, Tyrese, Babyface. I am sure they all encountered difficulties and were pressured at some point to conform to society norms. Yet they all did not. All remained authentic to themselves, their beliefs and truths. At some point, someone told them they weren’t good. Someone tried to dull his or her shine. How do the greats become great? What are the daily practices of the successful? I thought of these things and realized I can’t give up now. I have to continue the fight and be true to my dreams. I guess tomorrow, I am going to wake up a little early and walk into that office with my head held high and morals in the space and thrive. Hey, I may even put on some red lipstick.

red lips

 

-V.

17 thoughts on “Making A Lemon Drop With My Lemons”

  1. Going back after your holiday is always difficult. It used to be like you describe in my workplace when I first started but everyday I just kept my head down and worked hard. I refused to be sucked into the negativity and bitching. Whenever someone started saying horrible things about another person I would step in and tell them that perhaps they should share their grievances with said person rather than talk about them behind their back. I stayed positive and eventually people started to trust me and confide in me. Your values are a wonderful thing to live by – particularly integrity. Never doubt how much being a role model can change things – it catches on. I now work in the most amazing, diverse environment and it makes every day a joy. Keep up what your doing and you will shine through it. X

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You asked the million dollar question, and the answer is “Don’t become the problem.” You can stay true to who you are without becoming a problem. If you are a positive person, remain positive. Realize that this is exactly where you need to be right now. There are lessons to be learned in the Lions’ Den.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awesome post V! The only advice I could give you is to brace yourself. Lol. The workplace is a game of politics that some people are willing to play, and others simply aren’t. When you play the game, the people love you because they feel they got some information about you. If they can talk about you and trash you about your personal business behind your back, they love you. If they have no information on you that you aren’t willing to volunteer, it ignites a conflict within a person. The co-worker will inevitably create a reason they dislike you. Being a real person has consequences. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can so relate to you! We are just too good for the world to accept. 😀 Walk in with your head held high. You answer only to yourself and if you know what you are doing is no wrong, then continue doing it. Irrespective of how much your boss gives someone else credit for it. You know your capabilities and each compeleted assignment or project means more experience and learning for you. So, when you change the job then there’ll be no one to do it and then they shall know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We are way too good for the world to accept!!!! That’s the plan, gain the most experience and then change jobs or departments. Thank you for your feedback and advice! And I went with purple today! 😊💅🏾

      Like

  6. I think our environments become more difficult when we know we don’t belong there, when we yearn to do more, be more, want more. I think “making lemon drops with your lemons” is the best way to remain encouraged. Be you & continue to fight to be V. 💕

    Like

Leave a comment