I am currently taking a writing101 class and required are daily writing assignments. The current assignment is creating an entry using one of these words: Hope, Regret, Home, Choice, Abundance and Secret. I slept on the writing assignment and thought on how I would birth my inspiration. How personal will I get? Will I keep it light and fluffy? Then I thought, no. It has to be personal. That is the basis of what I am V is about, to be transparent. So my chosen word for my one word inspiration piece is CHOICE.
Why CHOICE? Because I am choosing to be open.
Life hasn’t been the easiest for me. I come from a broken home, but with amazing parents. However, I have always felt lost growing up. What do I want? Where am I going? Who am I? One thing that allowed me to escape was reading and writing. Going as far back as middle school, my friends and I used to pass around a notebook where we all would write a chapter in a book we were creating. That was the highlight of middle school for me. The book. But like everything, that fell off. Disconnected with friends, moved to a different school, now on to different adventures. It was in high school that I discovered my love for poetry. When I was sad and hurt, the best way I could express myself was through writing poems. I felt free doing so. I even recall wanting to become an English teacher. I was the odd one in my class who loved Shakespeare and writing research papers. The good old days. How I ended up in healthcare shows that I completed deviated from my true passion. While I love taking care of people and making a difference in other people lives in terms of their health, my passion wasn’t there. But I made a choice.
I got pregnant at 20, while a junior at Florida A&M U. I was devastated and confused. But I made a choice. I had a child. I figured at that point, life would make more sense and I would have a purpose. Honestly, like most moms out there. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, I had no clue on how to do it or where I should begin. But I did it. I winged it. I have a great son who is now in high school, trying to figure it out also. But knowing he doesn’t have a relationship with his father because my ex husband also had a choice, hurts. I hate seeing my son hurt over a choice I made. At times I still do blame myself for his pain because of his father. He chose not to be a good father. He chooses himself over anything. And, that is NOT my fault. We all have choices.
So, I chose to be the best person I can be for my son, realizing it was going to be him and me. I went to school and became an RT. I worked 2 jobs a majority of my 20’s. I went back to school to get my bachelor degree, then my masters. Just to be an example to my son of what hard work and dedication is. I want him to one up me. I want him to succeed. I pretty much engulfed my life to be mother. Now, he is off to college in two years and things are slowing down. I thought to myself, what am I doing? Where am I going? What do I want? Sounds familiar right? I have been down this road before, but now I am not going to go on with the regular planned programming. I am now choosing to do something different. I am choosing to follow my passion and choosing to perfect my love. I choose to write. I choose to follow my first love.
I am not the best writer. I have a lot of work to do. But that is ok. It is my choice. I am excited about it. And my hope is to inspire others who have had a less than easy life as well, to follow your passion and keep on trucking. If I do nothing else, I want to help someone do just that.